My Magical Christmas...

My Magical Christmas

As Christmas is fast approaching I can't help but think about my childhood Christmas experiences...let's just say they were awesome!  This time of year can be so busy and commercialized that we lose focus.  We live in a time with more conveniences yet we're still short on time.  I've been lacking Christmas spirit this year but I will make sure my boys don't know it.  After all isn't that what parents do?  We put aside our feelings for those of our children!

This is me and my first friend, my cousin Tyson.  He left this world way too young and left a huge hole, but almost every childhood memory I have includes him!  Reminds me of that song by Kenny Chesney "Who You'd Be Today"

All I can say is that my parents were amazing at making sure every childhood Christmas memory I have was super and magical.  After visiting with some friends I realized that not everyone has these memories of Christmas...and that makes me sad.  So I have really been thinking back to my childhood Christmas memories and I realize it had little to do with the gifts but with the family and feeling of being surrounded by love.  My earliest memories start when I was probably 5...and this is how I remember it...we would go to my sister's house (my sister is 17 years older) on Christmas Eve and celebrate with food and presents.  I don't remember exactly what food, just that it was always my favorite and that my sister always made sure I was spoiled with her attention!  Notice I said her attention and not stuff!  Then we would camp out on her living room floor and the adults would talk and watch tv until I fell asleep...now this is where it gets fun!  Sometime during the night my parents would wake me up and say it was time to get on the road.  So in my pjs they would load me in the back seat and tell me to hang up my stocking in the window.  My dad would turn on the only radio station that played all night on Christmas and I would hear the announcer tracking Santa.  My parents drove what seemed like forever but was just about 3 hours and some how managed to get me inside my Granny's house still asleep before Christmas morning!  I can't even imagine making that happen with my boys!  Now I think logistics as a parent...packing, timing, driving, keeping things a surprise...my parents were awesome!  Then I would wake up Christmas morning at my Granny's and Santa would have found me there!  Not long after opening Santa gifts the house became grand central.  My dad's sisters and brother and cousins and great grandparents all began showing up for the Christmas Day festivities. I don't remember anything but pure fun!  I'm sure there was tension here and there with that many people and their personalities but all I remember is fun...playing, eating, playing, fun!  I don't remember my Granny's house being too small for the huge crowd!  I remember her tree was awesome and huge...I have that tree now and it seems so small!  It's funny how things seem growing up compared to how they are when you're an adult.

I guess I am just now realizing how magical my childhood was and I'm hoping I pass that on to my boys!  It was magical because of the feelings of love and acceptance and protection not because of what I opened in a package!  I grew up thinking everyone had that kind of childhood and of course now I understand that not many did.  Now I'm going to keep that tradition going for my kids and some day grandkids.  I've already got lots of ideas of how I can make this feeling for my kids and their kids, but one thing I know for sure is that I will be flexible...my parents were always flexible!

A magical Christmas filled with love...and I can't help but hear my dad say, "Live everyday like it's Christmas!"  He really did and had understanding of how fast life goes...so I will do my best to find my magical Christmas and pass it on to my boys...even when it's not how I have planned or things don't go like I think they should!  What better way to live...so here's to "Living everyday like it's Christmas!"  and you know KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Finding My Jolly...

Finding My Jolly

 

As I sit on the couch, feeling the urge to type out my wide range of emotions, my older boys are not far away doing homework and on their phones while the little boys are sound asleep.  Today has been one of those days...full of my range of emotions...which according to the men in my house there's quite a few of them!  I am not saying that I disagree with them either.  It's crazy how I can have the best of days with the worst of days all within a 12 hour period and sometimes it can go back and forth more than once!

This Christmas season I have been a little lacking in the jolly spirit.  I just kinda chopped it up to things being different this year, but this afternoon it hit me.  I was finally getting all the decorations out, thinking to myself...why do I wait to do this?  It's almost too late to even bother!  Why can't I get my act together?  This is the story of my life, always a little late with the best of intentions.  On a side note, anytime I say with the best intentions I can't help but think of my dad always saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions...either do or don't...don't intend!"  So that's going through my head as well as why do I have all this crap if I don't enjoy putting it out?  And why is Christmas so commercialized and why do I fall for it?  Why this and why that?  

After getting my tubs down from the attic, I just stood there with tears falling.  I just happened to look at the pictures I have on the wall (dare I mention that I have more than a ton of pictures & love taking pictures!).  Pictures of times in the past...when my babies were babies...when my world was whole and pure...when I didn't fully understand or appreciate just what I had!  I just stood there crying!  It's like I couldn't get a grip and I was just paralyzed in that moment!  Where had the time gone?  Why had I wasted so much of it?  How can my babies be so old?  I'll never bring a newborn baby home again, that chapter is closed.  Everyone said it'll go by fast but I didn't understand just how fast...now I feel like it's on fast forward and the end of my time with all my boys living under our roof is close to an end.  Because I know when the oldest moves out, it'll never be the same!  Nor should it be...but that doesn't make it any easier.

I finally come out of my crying coma and just sit and stare at the unfinished decorating thinking I gotta get it together and I gotta do it fast!  So now I'm in the middle of what looks like Christmas exploded all over my house.  The little boys are super excited and are anticipating all the jolly that comes with Christmas and I realize that no matter how I'm feeling that they come first!  So yes I put on my big girl panties and got an attitude adjustment...just watching them show their excitement has put things in perspective!  My dad used to say if you listen closely then kids will tell you what you need to hear...I could hear it loud and clear this evening and I'm just thankful that I stopped to listen!

So even if this Christmas is different than any before, I will make it the best I possibly can and live vicariously through my little boys.  I will be thankful for hearing my dad teach me all those life lessons along the way that I'm sure he knew I would need all throughout my life!  Finding the joy in the little things really makes the big things!  Here's to everyone out there trying to find their jolly this Christmas season...KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

The Dance...

The Dance...

I sat next to my husband in the pickup today and my heart just filled with so many thoughts.  I don't know if it was a song on the radio or just purely being next to him while he's doing what he loves but my heart was just full of happiness.  I sat there in the quiet, while he was checking the cattle, and thought about the life we have...where we've been & what all we have done & our 4 boys...so much to be thankful for!  It's only been about 5 years since I quit my job/career to stay home and help on the farm...best decision ever!

As all the memories over the last 20 something years seemed to roll through my mind like a movie I couldn't help but sit there and smile...it kinda reminded me of Garth Brooks song, The Dance.  I loved that song and still do.  It's crazy how a song, smell, place, or even just the feel in the air can bring back memories or take you back in time!  

As the holiday season approaches I have been thinking about my childhood and all the wonderful memories I have...hoping that my boys will have the same type of wonderful memories.  And as awesome as that is, it's equally hard when someone that was apart of all those memories isn't here.  It's been four years since my dad died and moved on to his next journey and it doesn't get any easier! I had people tell me over and over that it'll get better in time...here's the deal it never gets better!  It becomes bearable but not better...you can breathe through the wind being knocked out of you but the wind still gets knocked out of you...you can hold back the tears that come at the most random of times until you are alone and let it all out...you can get up everyday and make the most of it but you still reach for the phone to call them and then realize you can't talk to them.  It doesn't get easier...you learn to live a different way than ever before!

I sat there wishing I could talk to my dad about how great things are and wishing he could see me doing what he encouraged me to do, wishing he could see the boys and all that they're doing, wishing he could see how Gary is doing all the things he's doing these days...most days I can feel his presence but some days it feels as if I'll never feel his presence again...the ever fluid feeling of grief that never goes away!  I know he'd be proud of us and all that we're doing but that still doesn't mean that I don't miss him everyday!

I would've never even thought about quitting my job had it not been for my dad and mom encouraging me...now I think about how much I missed while I was working my career...thankful that I made that scary transition to the unknown...what a wonderful life I have, even without my dad here...his lessons live on and I will do my best to teach them to my boys...and of course KEEP ON KEEPIN ON! 

Farm Life Lessons...

Farm Life Lessons...

Farm life teaches much more than just the day to day chores of making a farm run...and for that reason I'm thankful we get to raise our 4 strong minded, independent boys on the farm.  Who am I kidding I'm thankful to live on the farm and that I quit my job to be out here...even though some days I think to myself what have I done?  It's been 5 years since I quit my career and this ride has been better than I could have ever thought!

I have done things I never thought I could do physically and mentally.  I have learned and learned and learned some more!  I'm still learning...isn't that what life is all about...to continue learning and pushing yourself to do different things outside of what's comfortable?  I now get to watch my boys learn just as I am and it's all because we live this fading lifestyle of farming.  I say it's fading because I never used to understand why my hubby couldn't do the things I wanted him to do because farm life always came first and most of the people I was around didn't understand either.  Thankfully my parents were super supportive of hubby and what he was doing...and they would always kindly remind me of that when I seemed to be complaining of how much my hubby was working!  I can't thank them enough for all their love and encouragement...I have/had the best parents around!  Back to my point...this lifestyle may be fading but I love it and I'm thankful for it!  It has pushed me in ways I never thought possible and it continues to do so almost daily!  I'll need to reread this when I'm out in the snow feeding cattle!!!

I'm still in awe of what it takes to run a farm...more than most would ever even realize!  Seriously!  It's knowing how to do the work, when to buy, when to sell, watching the markets, knowing how to stretch money, knowing how to fix equipment or learning usually when it's time sensitive, it's balancing time and resources, it's keeping great records/books, it's staying up late, getting up early or not ever going to bed to get the crop planted or harvested or taking care of livestock...these are just a few of the high points...seriously there's so much to make a farm run!  I'm constantly learning and I will never fully understand how it all works but I'm gonna enjoy the learning process and keep moving forward.  With that said, I love watching the boys learn farm life and live this fading life...they are learning things some will never learn in a whole lifetime!

Farm life is unbelievably hard but so amazing all at the same time!  I look back and think how grateful I am that my parents not only supported but encouraged me to step outside the box and quit my job to be on the farm with my boys.  I would've missed so much and since life is only one go around I don't want to waste any part of it!  So I'll keep learning and pushing myself and watch my boys do the same all the while having great leadership from hubby...he's pretty amazing!  I watch him manage life, farm, job and think it's only because he grew up on a farm learning, pushing through and never giving in that he has the ability to handle our life and handle it well!  And for that I'm thankful his parents taught him all of these things...they definitely raised the man of my dreams!  Now we have the job to raise these boys God has blessed us with and I might add, it's a full time job!  They may not always like what farm life teaches but they will thank us someday or if we really fail them they can tell their therapist all about it when they're 30! Ha ha ha!

Milestones...

Gentry with Papa Clovis...2011

Milestones...

Today was like any other day since you've been gone...and just like you said...EVERY DAY IS A TRAINING DAY!  Some days are bright sunshine days and some days are dark and gloomy, and everyday I learn something new!

So many milestones have come and gone...we've celebrated and cried and enjoyed, yet there's always something missing...Papa Clovis!  His lack of presence these last few weeks have been tough, to say the least.

Today was Grandparent's Day at Gentry's school and he had a huge cheering section and I couldn't help but smile even though my eyes wanted to water up and let the tears fall.  I just started thinking about all the things that Gentry will miss knowing about my dad, his Papa.  Then I looked at Trevin and he remembers some but not a lot of him...they ask questions about him all the time, which I love!  However, some days it's all I can do to tell them all about their Papa without just having a complete melt down but most days it makes my heart happy to tell them all about him.  It hurts knowing they won't get to do all the things my dad loved to do with the older boys...I mean it hurts like a stabbing pain that just never goes away.  It's been 4 years and it never gets easier...

The pain that comes with grieving is like a fluid substance that is ever moving.  Some days are more intense than others, some days it is pain like after he first died when it is all you can do to breathe, some days it is just a dull lingering pain.  So that saying that my dad had about how "Nothing stays the same forever" is right on!  So I will take each day as my training day and be thankful for it!  And of course KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Tough Days

When your 8 year old asks you tough questions, you take a deep breath, hold back the tears, and tell him the truth!  Some days life throws you big curve balls and they just keep coming.  I refuse to let it bring me down.  This boy of mine asks questions about my dad, his Papa, all the time.  If he doesn't ask questions then he's trying to piece together memories he has with him.  Most days I can answer and talk about my dad just fine.  But some days...it is hard.  I mean the kind of hard that makes your whole body ache and feel sick to your stomach and it seems there is no end in sight!

This made me think about how much my dad was in tune to those he loved.  If I needed extra attention then he gave it...looking back I'm sure he had lots of other things to do but I never knew it...because he put his loved ones first!  This is what being a parent is all about.  I had 2 amazing parents that did this exact thing for me...I thought most people grew up like this but I'm learning that's not the case.  And it's way easier to be consumed with my own list and agenda but I can't help but think about how my dad did with me and my older two boys...so I do what is harder.  I do it, sometimes with tears in my eyes but none the less I do it.

So when Trevin tells me about all the things he used to do with his Papa, I smile and tell him things he doesn't remember.  He looks at me with the most precious eyes and says, "I sure do miss my Papa!  I wish he was still here!"  I smile at him and say, "me too kid, me too!"  as a tear falls from my eye.  I keep it together the best I can.  Then during the dark and still of the night I cry and cry.  My heart hurts, my body hurts, I miss my dad!  It hurts to know that my little boys won't know their Papa like the older boys did...it hurts to know he's not here watching them grow into the amazing young men they are...it hurts not being able to ask him for advice, talk to him, or tell him stories about the boys!  It just hurts...but then after I'm done crying around about it I can hear my dad say, "Enough kid, enough crying around!"  He had a way with words and knew how to encourage...So I sit back and think about all the awesome times we had and all he taught me.  The most important thing he left me with is when he told me to "Keep on living' kid, whatever you do just keep living'!"

The best gift ever...I don't feel guilty about living life and if I'm down I remember what he said and think to myself, "Wow, was he right!"  So I may let a tear fall here and there, I may cry in the night, but I will never feel guilty about living life without him here.  So I must teach that to my boys, because when it's my time to go, I want them to KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!  And just remember all the fun we had!

We Decide

   We Decide       

This says it all...we decide!  This makes me think of my dad...well a lot of things make me think of my dad but this really hit me.  I saw this the other day on Instagram and I almost burst into tears!  I managed to hold it together, after all I was in a large group of people.  I will never think some woman is completely crazy when she's crying in a crowd for no apparent reason!  Sooner or later it will happen to all of us.  I hope I can show grace at that point because Lord knows I haven't in the past.  But back to my story...we decide!

This has made me think and think hard...and as my dad would say, thinking things through is hard!  It is hard to make decisions about everything from little things to big things that will affect your family's future but you have to and it's important to do a good job.  I think that life changes can be hard and hard to work through, at least from my perspective!  But this post made me think about how the amount of work is the same...it does take just as much energy to be down as it does to be up...so why not choose up?  It's hard, really hard but as my dad used to say, "Life ain't easy kid!"

I have cried many a tear wishing my dad was here for my mom, me, my boys, his mom...missing him everyday.  Watching others take their families for granted and wanting to just scream and yell at them to cherish what you've got!  Then it hit me after reading this that I have a choice...and I'm not gonna live miserable. Period. Not going to do that!  I know life will knock you down but it takes just as much energy to lay there miserable as it does to get up and make the most of it!  So here's to KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!  

BE...DO...

BE...DO...

My mind is racing and full of many thoughts...I wish my dad was here to cuss and discuss!  We used to talk about everything and things going on in the world and he always made me see things in a different light.  And he usually added a calmness to whatever situation we were discussing.  We called him "the voice of reason" and man do I miss him!  Now thinking things through on my own and cussing and discussing with my hubby makes me a grown up now!  I can't explain why it feels like I'm a grown up now but it does...

So the events that happened yesterday...wow!  I don't even know where to start!  There are so many things that affect each other that it's hard to narrow it down.  But here goes...All lives matter.  Period. All.  I'm a live and let live kind of person, just don't shove your beliefs down my throat or make me pay for them and I won't mine to you!!!  It's that simple...live your life and let me live mine!  God created us all different!  We all have strengths and weaknesses and no matter what we can not all be the same!  No matter how much money we throw at it, no matter how much it's not fair...LIFE IS NOT FAIR!..we are all different!  How we handle our differences is what makes this country great, or at least what used to make this country great!  What happened to this great country???  What happened???  

We are on a road that I fear we can not turn back around.  And how we handle things from here will determine where we go in the future...and the only thing I have to say is that we must be "active participants in our own survival"!  That means we must learn to take care of ourselves and our own...spiritually, medically, financially, mentally, and physically!  Now with that I don't mean that we don't get help...I simply mean that no one is going to do it for us and that we must do it ourselves!  It is hard but we must learn to stand on our own feet and then come together to help others or we will fall as a great nation!  

There are others out there in the world that wish to destroy us and our very way of life at whatever the cost may be...we must learn to stand tall and united...we will have to be tough and do things we don't want to do but if we turn our heads the other way, this great nation will crumble around us.  The enemy, whether it be Satan or terrorists or ???, wants to destroy us and the best way to do that is from the inside out!  Just like a cancer destroys a person from the inside out.  So far they're doing a fair job and it's time we put a stop to it!  So no matter where you are in life you can do something...educate yourself and learn our history (we are bound to repeat it if we don't learn from it!)...stand on your own two feet, then help your family, then your church, then your community...take care of your body physically...think things through so that you're not constantly reacting to life,  "be proactive, not reactive"...train for the worst and then be happy when life is good...and pray, lots of prayer!  Do something, by not doing anything we turn the other way and the enemy gets in easy!  And no matter what KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity

Watermelons & Harvest

Watermelons & Harvest

It's summertime...with that brings many things and emotions.  According to my boys, life would be way easier if it weren't for emotions, especially the kind that women have!  I'm trying to teach them that women have all kinds of emotions and can have all of them in a matter of 5 minutes and that is ok!  I've got my work cut out for me in this department...let's just say that men aren't wired to understand the full range of emotions that women have!  With that being said, summertime brings a full range of emotions for me!  So here goes...

I think of my summers growing up and my dad would take me to the pool everyday at the Elk's Lodge...ok, it may not have been everyday but it sure did feel like it!  He thread water in the deep end waiting on me to jump off the diving board, always there to catch me if I couldn't make it.  I usually did though!  And eating candy bars, they don't taste the same as they did on those summer days.  I would get so worn out from swimming that I'd fall asleep on the way home in my swimsuit and sometimes not wake up till morning.  Those were the days!

Garrin & Papa eating the best part of the
watermelon & kicking back!

Then I think of watermelon...yes I know watermelon goes with summer but here's why...my dad would cut open the watermelon and only eat the center.  My mom would say don't waste it and my dad would say but this is the best part...they would laugh and tease each other as only they could.  The point he would always make, aren't you worth the best part?!  It has nothing to do with wasting it...it has to do with giving yourself the best!  My mom never wanted to waste anything and she would let everyone else eat then she would be happy with whatever was left...I think dad was trying to get her to take care of herself first!  I often wonder if he knew in the big scheme of things that he wouldn't be around to do this for us, so he tried to teach us from early on to take care of us!  I understand where my mom is coming from now that I'm a mom but I also see where my dad is coming from and how important it is to take care of yourself!  So to this day, when I cut open a watermelon I can't help but think of my dad and my mom...life lessons in the everyday!

Gary welding on the grain trailer getting it
ready for harvest!

Summertime on the farm...let's just say that it is BUSY!  Farm life is always busy but harvest brings a whole new level.  I have a love hate relationship with summer and farm life.  I love the hustle and bustle of harvest, taking meals to the field & seeing the guys full of excitement, joy, & a little anxiety, the late nights & sometimes all nights, everyone working together, and the overall excitement of grown men is like a kid in a candy store!  Then I don't like the never ending hours, wishing I was in a pool, breakdowns, cranky guys because things aren't going right, and the stress...the markets (the price of grain, cattle, etc.), the weather (not enough rain, rain at the wrong time, too windy, not enough wind), getting the right parts for the breakdowns...it can seem like it'll never end.  But guess what?  It always does and usually without too much craziness (at least that I can recall)!  It's a season and many life lessons are learned in this season!  Farming definitely takes all hands on deck, a good attitude and super thick skin...which brings me back to the emotions of summertime!

Ryler working in the garden...farm life!

Some days it's a smell and some days it's the actions that take you back to places in your past and when that happens, sometimes, just sometimes the emotions come rolling in and there's nothing to do but let them roll!  I've got pretty tough skin to live with 5 alpha males but some days my emotions need to be let out and when they do it gets kinda crazy!  Try teaching that to teenage boys!  So as harvest begins, I'll eat some watermelon, shed a few tears, and KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!

Sugar Coated Thoughts

Sugar Coated Thoughts...

I'm pretty vocal about my views and with this election I've just not had the words.  I don't know if I'm just so frustrated with what's going on in our country and society or if I miss talking all this stuff over with my dad but I just don't have the words about this election.  However, what I do have words about are this....

Since when did it become acceptable to take handouts and expect something for nothing?  As my dad  used to say, "Ain't nothin free!"  If you really stop and think about it...nothing is free!  Nothing!  I think about the little things like ketchup packets at fast food places...if we don't use them, then we usually just throw them in the trash...well someone had to pay for those and we are wasting them.  When we waste unnecessarily then we cause expenses to rise unnecessarily as well.  We complain about how much things cost, yet do we take into account what we waste?  This is just one simple small thing that someone had to pay for, yet we think of it as free!  Until we, as a society, learn the value and cost of things we see as a luxury, we will keep going down a road that is hard to turn around.

That's how I feel about our whole political system...we've gone down a road that we can't get off of and turn around...so now we will just go faster and faster in the wrong direction!  It's like we are on a train that has no breaks going where no one knows.  Do I have a solution?  Not really, I just firmly believe that it must start in our own homes!  We must take care of our own first, then help those in our own communities before we even begin giving to other states and countries.  You know how you must have a firm foundation when building a house before you ever start building the walls and roof? Why do we not apply this same concept in our lives?  It seems that there's this thought that someone else will do it for me...why?  Why should someone else do it for you?  What makes you think that someone will do it for you?  I was taught to take care of yourself first and then help others...if you're not strong then how can you possibly be of any help to someone else?

So let's start in our own homes...educating ourselves then our children!  Building our strong foundations then building up from there.  With the technology today, we should be unbelievably smart yet we (I speak generally here about the whole) don't even know the capital of the United States or who won the Civil War!  Shame on us for letting things get this out of control...many many men & women have died for our freedoms in this great country and we seem to show no care in the world!  I don't know how this happened but it's heartbreaking!

So I push myself everyday to learn something new and think outside the box...I owe this to my dad!  He told me over and over again during his last few weeks that I had to push myself and think outside the box...I will and I will Keep On Keepin On!

Trinity

Mom of Boys

Mom of Boys

Moms of boys have a different outlook than moms of girls...My mother in law has 2 sons and 6 grandsons...no girls (except for her 2 daughter in laws)...and she knows boys and what makes them boys.  She always knows the best gifts for boys, no matter what their age.  She's happy to get together whenever, it never has to be on the exact holiday.  She's tough as nails...you have to be to raise boys or they'll run right over you.  She never stops and is always doing...always!  If you mention you'd like a certain pie or food, she will have it made within the next few days.  If you need help with something, she is there!  She shows up at endless ballgames and school programs and if you mention that you're looking for xyz she usually shows up with it!  I've learned how to be a boy mom from watching her...it's a tough job and yet she makes it look easy!

This month I have been married to her youngest son for 20 years!  Whoa...20...wow that went by fast!  So I want to thank her for raising the man of my dreams!  I'm realizing what a feat that was now that I'm raising boys that will someday be husbands and fathers.  I know it's hard to blend families and understand each other but this woman raised my husband, who is just awesome!  And she managed to do this on a farm...she grew up farming as well as my father in law...they can outwork most 20 somethings.  The work ethic they taught their boys is like none other...not gonna lie, somedays it makes me crazy!  Can we just take a break?!  However, now that I'm raising boys to be men...I understand the life lessons they taught my husband and that we are teaching our boys.  I've never had to worry about much because my hubby can take care of things...and he learned that from his mom and dad.  It takes so much to raise boys, but to raise them on the farm takes true grit...Thank you for all you did to make my hubby what he is today!

Happy Mother's Day to one of the hardest working women I know...you deserve some extra TLC!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day

Mother's Day...well for moms of boys it can go either way, either they're super sweet and spoil you or they treat it like any other day.  However it goes I know that I'm loved!  But I think whether you're a mom to all girls, all boys, or blessed to have both, that it's the most amazing gift/job in the world.  Tiring, full of love, test your limits, melt your heart, beyond the words to describe how awesome it is to be a mom!  So I want to write about my mom...kinda hard to do because she is pretty private but here goes...

It's funny the things that come to mind when I think about my mom when I was growing up, it's little things!  Which you know it's the little things that are really the BIG THINGS!  Let's just start out with where she's at now...4 years after my dad, the love of her life, died and she is still living life just like my dad told her to!  That right there is amazing strength in itself!  And how compassionate she is...I wish I had a fourth of her compassion!  She has a big heart for everyone and I tend to lean toward the cold side...hey, we're all a work in progress!  Like she has so much compassion for people that sometimes when we are talking and she's telling me about someone that's having a rough time or whatever the case may be, I'm like seriously?  I don't understand how you feel so much for them!  I'm thankful she has this quality and I learn everyday how to have more compassion for others!  Which brings me to how much she always takes care of others...I've watched her not eat until everyone has their plate, I've witnessed her giving the last piece of her favorite because someone else wanted it, I've watched her work tirelessly to make life easier for others around her,  donate her time to things that I would never even think about...the list goes on and on!  

She has this ability to make everyone feel welcome and listen to them with attentiveness!  She will be uncomfortable so others can be comfortable!  I've learned and I'm still learning from her!  Before I was born, she was a single momma to my sister and she did an awesome job...my sister is 17 years older than me and always been like another momma.  She turned out pretty amazing! I can't imagine how it must've been growing up with a single momma working numerous jobs but I'm sure from those experiences she learned how to be a great momma too!  I learn from her too!  I think about how much my mom has done and accomplished in her life and how much adventure she's had...more than most!  I'm in awe of her strength and compassion!  Did I mention she's compassionate?!  

So I have been blessed with an amazing mom and I'm thankful for her everyday!  From the way she patted my back when I was little, to teaching me to keep going even when I didn't think I could...no doubt I'm where I'm at today because of my mom and dad.  They were awesome by themselves but put them together and my world was pretty much perfect!  I know when my parents got married, it rocked a lot of people's world but I'm thankful they did!  And I'm thankful she didn't let my dad's second wife have all of his kids...my mom is 10 years older than my dad so when they married she said she was too old to have any kids and told my dad to let his second wife have all his kids, jokingly!  After so long, dad said ok I will...guess what my mom was pregnant with me the next month!  (That's a whole other story!)  Now that I think about it, they have a whole bunch of other stories...I'm hoping my mom will write them down!  She would have a best seller!

Thanks mom for all you do for me and my boys, for teaching me to go after whatever I want in life, for teaching me how to work, for teaching me how to pat my babies backs and tell them to "Go make up your bed".  But one of the best things I'm thankful for is showing me how to love my hubby...I learned how to love deeply and passionately from growing up watching you and dad...best gift ever!  Thank you!

Trinity

Four Years Later...

Four Years Later...

Laying in bed tonight and my mind is thinking about where I was 4 years ago...and what has transpired over these years.  It makes me happy and sad all at the same time! It's funny, life!  Just when you get used to things being a certain way, they change.  Sometimes it's a subtle change and sometimes it's gut wrenching but I'm learning it's always changing.  The most important thing is how you handle the changing...not gonna lie...some days I handle it great and some days I fail miserably!  But everyday I get up and do...just like my dad told me to.

Four years ago I had spent the last 6 weeks with my mom and dad.  Gentry was with us and the brightest of bright during such a difficult transition.  He was just about 7 months old and I was still nursing him, and that was a saving grace in itself.  Just knowing that I had to keep eating and taking care of him made the transition bearable.  The hospice nurse had been by and said it wouldn't be much longer so I asked Gary to stay the night with me and my mom.  We were giving dad enough medicine to keep him comfortable even though he was just a shell at this point.  I remember thinking, "How long can this last?  How long can someone keep breathing?  How long?  Please, God, don't let this last...it's hard to watch, hard to feel, and hard to watch my mom."  I just wanted it to be over yet I didn't.  It's the most indescribable thing...kinda like having a baby.  During my time with my parents, dad talked about how, "We labor to be born and we labor to die!"  He talked about new life in Gentry and the boys and his ending...he always said, "I'm not gonna be here forever, kid, so you'd better learn how to do this now!"  The circle of life is interesting and amazing and painful. 

Well, it finally ended and we were thankful he wasn't in pain anymore but hurting because he was gone...he was gone!  We had done things just as he wanted, as hard as it was, we did it his way.  I hope that I have the strength and courage to live my life to end like my dad did.  I also hope that I'll have the strength and courage my mom has.  My parents are definitely one of a kind!  The next few hours seemed to go by in a blur...telling the boys, they knew it was coming but actually telling them was harder than I ever thought.  I just wanted to hold them in my arms and take all the pain away...but I couldn't make it go away and they've learned some hard lessons young but they've done awesome and I wish dad was here to see them now!  By the time I got home I just wanted to get in the shower and cry...then go to bed...I did but it's all a blur.  My mom went to my sister's and I came home to my house full of boys that I hadn't seen much of for a few weeks.

At times, these last few weeks, I've been back to the time I spent with my parents.  It has been a smell, the sun, the boys, the talk radio, the butterflies (they were all out and around the day dad died), little things to remind me of the big things.  I long to see, hear, and touch my dad but knowing he's out of pain makes it easier to take even though I don't understand...he was only 58...58...that's not a full life lived!  My mind has fought hard to keep on keepin on these last few weeks and my heart hurts...it hurts for different reasons now and the same ones as before...but dad used to say, "Don't try, do!"  So instead of trying to live and keep on keepin on...I am doing! 

Parenting...

Parenting...

Here's my almost teenager driving and doing a great job!  I love watching my kids drive and learn to make decisions quickly.  You can learn a lot about their personality by the way they drive.  I'm learning if you just sit back and watch,  you can learn so much!

But the sit back and watch part is hard...super hard!  Why is this parenting gig so hard?  It's the most amazing thing in the world to bring life into but oh my so challenging and there's no one right way!  Each child is different and has different needs at different times and in the mean time you're just trying to grow up, make a living, find a career, and raise these little beings to be productive citizens of society that follow God.  It's no big deal...whatever it's HUGE!  It's the most important job ever...raising kiddos!

Today has been one of those days...you know feel like you're failing at raising these kiddos, finding my purpose (or think I need to find a purpose, when all I really need to do is take care of my family... that is my purpose!) and taking care of the day to day duties of having a house full of boys and a farm!  It's days like these that I miss my dad so very much!  What I wouldn't give to hear his comforting, reassuring voice during these trying days of parenting.  So I've been gathering my thoughts and getting a plan!  My dad always said better to be proactive than always reactive...so trying to get prepared!

I laid down with Trevin to read and he had the book "Love You Forever"...I didn't want to read tonight, it was late and had a ton on my mind, but decided reading was the best choice!  I begin reading and tears start flowing down my cheeks.  A flood of emotions came over me...I remember Garrin at this age and Ryler at that age and how did it go by so fast?  Did I do everything I wanted to do with them?  Teach them all that they need to know?  Did I give it my all?  How is it going by so fast?  The tears just kept coming and Trevin looked up at me and asked if I was alright and I just smiled and said yes through the tears.  Then we talked about how I check on them after they go to sleep and pray for them and kiss them...all 4 of them (boys!).  The look on his face just took my breath away!  He said, "Mom, you really come in after we go to sleep and pray for us and kiss us?"  I said, "Absolutely!"  And his face just shined!  Gave him hugs and went to get Gentry laid down.  The tears just keep coming...a range of emotions and life is ever changing and missing my dad!  I don't think you ever "get over it" (the death of someone you love) you just learn how to live in this life without them.  Everyday you just do the best you can.  But as I laid there reading to Trevin, I begin to realize that however we've done as parents on raising our children can't be judged by anyone other than God!  And how we protect them can only last so long before they have to take responsibility for their own actions and we as parents have to let them!  Hardest job ever...Parenting!

Happy & Sad

Happy & Sad



This boy turns 8!  It's gone by super fast and he's growing into his own.  He's taught me so much about life and being a momma almost to the point that I feel like I fail him every day!  But life is a journey and I'm learning as I go.  His spirit is like none other and his zest, at times makes me crazy, is amazing to watch!
 Happy Birthday to my sweet Trevin!

This picture makes my heart happy and a little sad at the same time.  My dad would've taken him to camp and fish and shoot and teach him things all little boys should know...but he died before he got to do this.  Thankfully his buddy as stepped in and takes the boys to do these things.  I think my dad must've asked him to do this but he will never say.  I'm just thankful that someone that knew my dad can pass on the stories and teachings that my dad taught him.  So it's a happy and sad picture and it seems as time goes on that I have a lot of these!

Trevin was 1 when my dad had a heart attack and the Papa that his older brothers know and remember went away at that time.  So Trevin doesn't remember that strong, fun, won't take any s&*!, full of life, always find the positive guy...and that makes me sad.  Dad was never the same after that and he didn't get to do all the things he wanted to with Trevin, so I think maybe sometimes I try to make up for that.  Disclaimer...I'm sure my boys will be in therapy when they're 30 because of all that I did or didn't do but they'll never question if I love them!  So for the next 3 years, we watched my dad try to get a new normal but it was nothing like he was before, all while he was trying to spend time with Trevin.  I'm sure he knew he wasn't getting better and he squeezed all he could in!  Then after Spring Break in 2012 (Gentry was 6 months old, Trevin was almost 4, Ryler was almost 10, and Garrin almost 13) I stayed with my parents.  My mother in law took Trevin and they bonded, she also took care of Garrin and Ryler while Gary was working.  I took Gentry with me, I was nursing him, and it was a great gift...babies make the world go round!  The big boys never saw Papa again...

I question if I handled it the right way but I handled it how my dad wanted!  He didn't want the boys to see him sick and dying...he wanted them to remember him strong and full of life!  So I honored what my dad wanted.  I have watched the boys struggle each in their own ways and wished that my dad was here to be the voice of reason.  So here I am almost 4 years later and the boys are doing great and full of life...missing my dad everyday...growing up a little more and still realizing what's really important in life!  And let me tell ya, it ain't stuff!  That's a whole other post.  So for now I'll keep on keepin on!

Making The Best Of It!

Making The Best Of It!


I saw this the other day on Instagram and had to screen shot it!  "The secret of happiness and peace is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be, and making the best of it." -Marcandangel

I read it and then read it again and it just struck a chord with me.  Everyone has to find their own happiness and peace, it's something that no one can do for you!

I've been in a funk the last few weeks and it's kinda taken me back to when my dad first died and I was just going through the motions.  I remember thinking that I was vertical and so I was doing ok but I was in such a fog.  I can't remember details about the next year after he died and now it makes me crazy!  How could I not remember things about the boys???  How could I not remember???  Then I start feeling like the worst mom ever because I can't remember.  I feel like sometimes I lost several months of my life.  In a world where we (as moms) are suppose to be super mom the guilt can take over!  I don't understand why, we as a society, put that pressure on mommas...that's whole other post!  Any way, back to the guilt...I've decided that it's the devil working.  And I have a rule at my house...if the devil is working on you then we kick him out and for the little boys (and when the bigger boys were little!) we go to the door and kick in the air and tell the devil to leave and that he's not welcome here.  Say a prayer and then get moving!  Last week I had a kick the devil out party and it's refreshing!  So here's where I'm at and I'm learning to be ok and embrace it...

I'm a different person now than I was when my dad was alive.  I'm in the midst of raising 4 strong willed boys, my house is never clean and my laundry...well let's just say it's never even close to being done!  I'm a #farmgirlinthemaking and still learning and trying and doing on the farm, thankfully my husband is patient and a great teacher!  I'm a single momma 2 weeks at a time while my hubby is gone working in the oil industry.  I eat way too much chocolate but workout so it's a wash, right?! I'm  too tough on my boys and I'm not tough enough.  I try and I fail!  I still cut hair very part time. I have big plans and dreams but right now I'm all about my family and as my dad used to say, "Taking care of your own teepee"!  I'm political and observe my 2nd Amendment right!  I attempt to cook and sometimes we eat out too much.  I lose my patience too often and at times I let the devil try to steal the joy of all this chaos.  But thankfully little reminders pop up in places, like this picture, and then I realize hey this is where I'm at right now and it's ok!  After all nothing stays the same forever and as long as I KEEP ON KEEPIN ON then this crazy life is bound to be good overall!

Hard Times, Good Times

Hard Times, Good Times

Spring Break brings about a flood of emotions that just takes my breath away.  It all comes back and at times it feels like I'm living it all over again and other times it seems so long ago that I can't even really recall.  Memories are awesome and heartbreaking at the same time.  And as my dad used to say, "You've got to have the hard times to appreciate the good times because if life is always good then you'd never know just how good it really is if you don't have some hard times along the way!"  This always makes me think of the verse Ecclesiastes 3...for everything there is a season.

It was 4 years ago that my older boys said goodbye to my dad, their Papa for the last time in this life, and they didn't even know it at the time!  And that's just the way my dad wanted it...no big fuss!  He often said, "No fuss, no muss!"  He knew it was coming, his time to transition to the next life, and he didn't want everyone around crying and he certainly didn't want any pity!  So Garrin and Ryler stayed with Oma and Papa for a few days over spring break and when they said good bye and love ya when they came home, they had no idea that was the last time they'd see him.  At times I wondered if we should have let them come see Papa but that wasn't what he wanted!  And I can honestly say that we (me and my mom) did exactly how he wanted and didn't stray.  As hard as it was, we did just what he wanted!  

The Monday after spring break is when my journey of helping my dad die the way he wanted began.  I will never forget this moment and it still hits me hard.  I went to see my parents on Monday after I dropped off Garrin and Ryler at school.  I had Trevin and Gentry in tow and thought we'd just go see Papa.  When I got there, I began to realize that it was serious.  But, not until my dad sat there and said these words, "Be here when you can and other than that just keep on living, just keep on living kid!"  I had just told my dad that his eyes were yellow and he said, "I know, this is it!"  I asked what do you want me to do and that's when he responded with the best gift he could have ever given!  When I've been down and felt like I couldn't keep on, I remember those words...JUST KEEP LIVING!  That's the absolute best last gift he could have given us!  I only pray that I can have that kind of strength when my time comes!

Spring break till school is out is a crazy busy time and I'm thankful it is because it's hard.  I mean hard like nothing can fix, hard!  The memories come back, then the happy thoughts and then the angry thoughts of why?  And of course the tears...lots and lots of tears at the most random of times!  I've heard it gets easier with time and there is some truth to that but I wouldn't exactly say that's true.  To say that I miss him is an understatement!  The huge hole he has left in our family is felt everyday! The pain is like none other!  But the great times in the past and the great times to come will make good times outweigh the hard times...so you know I'll KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!

The Now

THE NOW

The other day someone said they hadn't heard that my dad had passed away and they were sorry to hear about that...it hit me that we only really have this moment right now to make a mark!  I mean really think about it...we aren't guaranteed tomorrow and people come in and out of our lives so we only really have this moment...THE NOW!

My dad used to say, "Stick your hand in a bucket of water, now pull it out.  How big of a hole is left? That's how much people will remember you when you're gone!"  He would tell me this when I had overcommitted myself to way too many things, at the time I'd laugh.  He would tell me this when he was trying to tell me to live in THE NOW!  He would often tell me not to wait...use the good dishes, burn the fancy candles, stay up late, get up early, enjoy the toys strung all over your house...because we are not guaranteed today!  He stressed how important it is to live in this moment (what I refer to as THE NOW!) and not wait to enjoy life.  Sometimes that means finding the joy in the not so joyous!  He told me time and time again that even the worst of times I would look back on and long for some part of them again.  Well of course he was right...how many times have I looked back at those last few weeks with my dad and wish for them back.  Why?  I have no idea why I would ever want to go back to those unbearable days.  Maybe it's the thought of actually seeing and hearing my dad, and getting the best hug ever.  I'm not sure why I long for those days occasionally but I do and then I'm reminded of THE NOW!  

I can't remember what birthday it was (late 20's) but my mom and dad had been to OKC that day, I think to get this certain kind of coffee they made using a french press.  They were always ahead of the times trying different things.  My birthday was a few days away and my dad came in the door of my salon with this box.  My mom came in behind him and said, "Aren't you going to wait till her birthday?"  He was grinning ear to ear and said (in only a way that he could say), "Why, hell no!  I want to give it to her today...I might not be here in a few days!"  I'd laugh and say, "Where are you going?"  He would say something like, "Oh you never know and you know I'm not gonna live forever kid!"  I'd just blow it off with yeah yeah.  I realize now that he was training me constantly to live life without him and preparing me for what we all must ultimately face, death!  Why didn't I understand then?  Oh well, life is all about learning, right?  So I got the (at the time new) digital picture frame...they had just come out and I'd been eyeing one but wouldn't spend the money!  I was so excited and happy.  Now that I have kids of my own I see why he didn't wait...Life is too short and not guaranteed!  My dad lived in THE NOW and I have countless stories to share with my boys from my childhood...which was amazing in my mind! 

Back to the bucket of water...my dad may not have left a hole that others notice but he left a big hole in our family...the bucket of water has been splashed around and now some of it is gone!  I see the importance of THE NOW because that's what will fill that bucket of water back up.  We will all face death but how we live in THE NOW is what makes this life matter to those around us!  So here's to THE NOW!  And of course Keep On Keepin On! 

Trinity

Little Ones Can Teach Us...If We Will Just Listen!

This boy...he says things that make you smile and take the wind out of your sail and everything in between.  He's the youngest of 4 boys, so you can imagine having 3 older brothers makes him one tough boy.  I know my dad would be proud of him...

He was just 7 months old when my dad died, yet he talks about Papa all the time.  It's like he knew him and he doesn't want to forget him.  But it's what he said the other day that made my heart skip a beat and hard to breathe...I wanted to break down and cry, not just a few tears rolling down my face but the ugly snot running cry.  

We were driving to town, we spend a lot of time in the car taking his brothers to and from their activities, and he was talking like he usually does.  When he says, "Did you know that Papa is an angel?"  I said, "Yes, why is he an angel?"  Gentry didn't hesitate with his response, "Because he's in Heaven with Jesus!"  And that's when I wanted to lose it and let the ugly cry out but I didn't.  I didn't want him to think it upset me to talk about Papa.  I let the tears roll down my cheek and put a smile on my face and said, "You're absolutely right, Gentry!"  My heart was full and empty at the same time...full of love and pride from what this sweet innocent little boy already knew and how he reminded me of what's really important in this life and empty in the fact that Papa isn't here to be with him like he was his older brothers and how he's not here to wrestle him, love him, teach him all the important things and how he's not here to push me to be a better parent or guide me in the right direction or just give me that extra hug and the push when he'd say, "Now go and give 'em Hell, kid!"

So I just started telling Gentry all about how much his Papa loved him and how proud of him he is and I just let the tears roll gently down my face.  I then began explaining that sometimes girls cry when they're upset, happy, mad, or overwhelmed...afterall just because he lives in a house dominated by male testosterone doesn't mean he can't be compassionate and understanding of women and their feelings...my dad was the tough guy that was compassionate!  Then I couldn't help but laugh out loud when Gentry said, "I know girls cry for all kinds of things, that's what they do at school."  I just looked at him in awe of what he knows at the ripe old age of 4!  Sometimes it's good to stop and listen to the little kids, they have a thing or two figured out about this life!

Later that night, I cried the ugly cry in the shower...that seems to be my only time I can let it all out.  I cried because I miss my dad!  I cried because I hate it that my boys don't have their Papa!  I cried because my mom doesn't have her Honey (that's what they called each other!)  Their love was like none I've seen before (that's a whole story in itself...I'm hoping my mom is writing it, she's amazing with words!)  I cried because my Granny is without her firstborn!  I don't care how old you get I think it would be terrible to watch your child die, it's not the natural order of life.  I just cried!  You just don't know how much of an effect you have on others until you're gone and the pain is absolutely indescribable ...but with grace you get through it and manage to keep on living.  After all isn't that what it's all about?  Loving hard, living life, enjoying the good and dealing with the bad...so I will KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!!! 

VOTE!!!

VOTE!!!

It's election time again...I love having the privilege to vote!  I will never understand those that don't exercise their right to vote...many men and women have died for us to have that right and I don't feel we should take it lightly!  With that being said, it's times like this when I really miss my dad even more than usual...he was great a talking politics and candidates and always making me think!  We would usually talk quite a bit about the candidates and the happenings in the world.  He wasn't afraid to go against the grain and speak his opinion...loved that about him.  So as much as I love this time of year and this amazing privilege I have, it's bittersweet.  I miss my dad!  I miss my dad!  Did I mention that I miss my dad? 

Since he's not here to talk all this through I've been going over things in my mind...and here goes...

First of all, go vote!  I hope it's an educated vote!

Second, I don't even know where to begin on how things are in this great world we live in but I do know this...I want less government and more people to take action for their own lives!  I'm pretty much a live and let live kinda girl.  You take care of your business and I'll take care of mine, I'm sure it won't be done the same way but that's ok.  We all can't be the same!!!  That's right, we all can't be the same!  When did it become an acceptable thought process that we should all be, have, do the same???  Why should I pay more in taxes if I'm willing to work more, take more risks?  Why should all kids learn the same way and test the same way?  Why should my thoughts or your thoughts be the only right thoughts?  Why should my 2nd Amendment be taken away because guns scare you? Why should I have to take a drug test to get paid for a job and those that don't have a job but are getting money (tax dollars) don't have to take a drug test?  And why can't we disagree?  You know the saying, "Agree to disagree"!  Isn't that what makes America great?  Diversity! 

I highly suggest watching the movie, The Giver!  And Idiocracy!  These will make you think!  And maybe outside the box!

I'll leave my politics at that...even though I have way more thoughts!  My main point is to VOTE!!!  Educate yourself and think about how you want things to go in the future and VOTE!!!  If for no other reason, think about our current military serving over seas in other countries that have no rights to VOTE, so that we may have this awesome right to VOTE!!!  I heard my dad say many many times to people of opposing view points from him to VOTE!  

My last thought...THERE IS NOTHING FREE!!!  When people say I got free tuition or free food or whatever it is free...it's not free!  Someone somewhere has paid for it!  The government is funded by the people's tax dollars...and just look at your pay stub to see how much the government takes!  As my dad used to say, "Ain't nothin free!" 

Don't Lose It...

Don't Lose It...

My dad always pounded this in my head...Don't Lose It!  He'd tell me over and over just how important it is not to lose it when the pressure is on or in stressful situations.  He used to tell me to hold it together, apparently I'm a little over dramatic!  He explained how you must keep it together while the pressure is on or until the stressful situation ceases, then you can lose it.  You can lose it however you need to as long as you hold it together while in the midst of it.  I feel like I'm pretty good at this, especially after holding it together while he was in the process of dying.  He didn't want any crying around, so I didn't...at least not in front of him!  It's been almost 4 years and sometimes I lose it just thinking about those last weeks, but I think it's ok because I held it together like he had instructed me to do. 

Last week I had to put this advice into play.  My youngest of 4 boys, Gentry, had apparently stuck something up his nose at some point in time.  We had gone to dr. the week before and he wanted to do a round of antibiotics then see us the next week.  So we went in for the follow up and I figured that we'd have to hold him down to dig out whatever he had up his nose...however I was wrong.  It was too far up to dig it out!  Now we have to go to an ear, nose, and throat dr.  So I was thinking it'd be another week or so before we'd get an appointment.  I left the dr. office ready to take Gentry to school and get busy feeding the cattle.  I had a written out list from my oldest son, who could totally run the farming operation if it weren't for having to go to school and be a kid!  Just as I was ready to get Gentry out of the pickup, my phone rings.  It was the dr. office telling me to get to the hospital now!  They wanted to get Gentry in TODAY!  I thought, great, we will get this taken care of quickly.  At this point I wasn't even thinking about not losing it...

So we get to the hospital and wait for the dr to come out of surgery to look at Gentry.  He was a trooper, not scared one bit.  The nurses were amazing and had plenty of toys for him to pick from!  We were sitting in a little recovery room waiting and all of a sudden my chest gets tight and I feel like I'm going to break out in a cold sweat.  All I wanted to do was go into pure panic with full blown crying to add...but instead I said a prayer.  I asked God to help me and give me peace then I called my hubby.  He was out of town working and couldn't be there but was great at listening to me on the phone and keeping me calm, the numerous times I called him!  Then my mother in law called to see if I needed anything...Oh my, yes!  I hadn't eaten much for breakfast and now it was close to noon, I needed something to drink and eat.  The dr came in and said he couldn't get it without sedation, meaning that they'd put Gentry under...now at this point I had to push the panic way back and keep it together.  So I begin to get Gentry in his hospital gown as he's playing with the great Star Wars light saber the nurse got him.  Grandma shows up and sits with us for a little bit and then they take him back.  He was awesome!  He wasn't scared and showed no fear! So off to the waiting room we went and Grandma brought me in some lunch.  I didn't even get half my lunch eaten when the dr comes out with the ROCK...YES A ROCK!  My sweet Gentry had stuck a ROCK up his nose and I have no idea when he did it.  So we head back to recovery and within 30 minutes we were out of there.  Gentry woke up fine and happy and can breathe much better now!

I went home and just pretty much collapsed...slept a little bit and woke up feeling like I had survived...Gentry was playing and I had survived!  Life with 4 boys ain't easy to say the least.  I think my dad would be proud that I didn't lose it and took care of the situation...I'm still trying to grasp it all but I think I'll be doing that for many years to come with this house full of boys.  My motto these days is, "There's never a dull moment!"