Hard Times, Good Times

Hard Times, Good Times

Spring Break brings about a flood of emotions that just takes my breath away.  It all comes back and at times it feels like I'm living it all over again and other times it seems so long ago that I can't even really recall.  Memories are awesome and heartbreaking at the same time.  And as my dad used to say, "You've got to have the hard times to appreciate the good times because if life is always good then you'd never know just how good it really is if you don't have some hard times along the way!"  This always makes me think of the verse Ecclesiastes 3...for everything there is a season.

It was 4 years ago that my older boys said goodbye to my dad, their Papa for the last time in this life, and they didn't even know it at the time!  And that's just the way my dad wanted it...no big fuss!  He often said, "No fuss, no muss!"  He knew it was coming, his time to transition to the next life, and he didn't want everyone around crying and he certainly didn't want any pity!  So Garrin and Ryler stayed with Oma and Papa for a few days over spring break and when they said good bye and love ya when they came home, they had no idea that was the last time they'd see him.  At times I wondered if we should have let them come see Papa but that wasn't what he wanted!  And I can honestly say that we (me and my mom) did exactly how he wanted and didn't stray.  As hard as it was, we did just what he wanted!  

The Monday after spring break is when my journey of helping my dad die the way he wanted began.  I will never forget this moment and it still hits me hard.  I went to see my parents on Monday after I dropped off Garrin and Ryler at school.  I had Trevin and Gentry in tow and thought we'd just go see Papa.  When I got there, I began to realize that it was serious.  But, not until my dad sat there and said these words, "Be here when you can and other than that just keep on living, just keep on living kid!"  I had just told my dad that his eyes were yellow and he said, "I know, this is it!"  I asked what do you want me to do and that's when he responded with the best gift he could have ever given!  When I've been down and felt like I couldn't keep on, I remember those words...JUST KEEP LIVING!  That's the absolute best last gift he could have given us!  I only pray that I can have that kind of strength when my time comes!

Spring break till school is out is a crazy busy time and I'm thankful it is because it's hard.  I mean hard like nothing can fix, hard!  The memories come back, then the happy thoughts and then the angry thoughts of why?  And of course the tears...lots and lots of tears at the most random of times!  I've heard it gets easier with time and there is some truth to that but I wouldn't exactly say that's true.  To say that I miss him is an understatement!  The huge hole he has left in our family is felt everyday! The pain is like none other!  But the great times in the past and the great times to come will make good times outweigh the hard times...so you know I'll KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!