There's a lot to be said for sticking with something even if it's not working the way you want it to. There's also a lot to be said for changing gears midstream because what you're doing isn't working. It takes courage to do both of these! It can bring on feelings of failure, success, joy, apprehension, and of course worry. However, I have learned that worry steals from today and there's no guarantee of tomorrow so what's the point in worrying? I know there's a verse in the Bible in Matthew about that, just can't remember the numbers off the top of my head! My dad would tell me how worry steals from what you have right now and that it's a complete waste of time. I do understand that, so why is it so hard to grasp? I've spent too much time worrying and I don't want to waste anymore time.
What has transpired over the last few weeks has been hard and I know writing about this will help so here goes...After about 12 weeks of homeschooling for the first time, the boys went back to school. Not just school (they've been at the small Christian School) but to public school (where Gary & I both graduated from). I know this is the right decision for our family but I don't like it! I love having my kids with me and doing fun things with them. I'm the mom that dreads August and is overjoyed when May rolls around! I love my kiddos and I only want what's best for them and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens! I'm so thankful that Gary made this decision even though it hurts and I don't like it. I'm sure he could see how frustrated I was at times and how much pressure I was putting on myself to make sure I was doing everything perfect, ha! As if perfection is possible and perfection is what expectations we place on ourselves. With all the changes that have happened over the last 6 months I think Gary was thinking I was putting too much pressure on myself. Which I admit I was! Once again I'm so thankful that Gary was willing to step in and make the hard decisions. The most important thing is that the boys love school and seem to be adjusting well. So when people ask me how's school going I have to remember that it's about the boys and how they feel and not about me! Sometimes that's a hard concept for this momma.
My dad strongly encouraged me to homeschool from the very beginning and if I couldn't homeschool then I should send the boys to the Christian School. He absolutely didn't want me to send them to public school. Now let me just say that he went to public school and so did I. He did everything he could to encourage us to send them to the Christian School, even offering to pay for it. Gary and I would never take his money or allow him to pay for it. My dad always taught me this saying,"If you take the man's money, then you play the man's game!" This is a whole post in itself! Gary and I are very proud of the fact that we do things on our own and work together! I believe that's something our parents taught us and I hope to teach our boys the same! This is when I really wish I could talk to my dad and get his input on what to do...even though I can figure it out, I still miss him!!! I know he's proud of what Gary and I are doing but I just miss him and his reassurance!
Now Gary has been fairly supportive of how I wanted to do with the boys education, even though he didn't like paying for private school. He's been more than understanding about my feelings and most wouldn't think that about him (he can seem a little rough around the edges but he's really just a big teddy bear). He's a planner and now that we have 4 boys to think about he's very financially focused. I, on the other hand, am not financially focused and I tend to live in the now. So I think we balance each other well. So here's my take...I love the small Christian school. I love that they learn the Bible and it's history, the small class sizes, the fact that they encourage family time and to stay home if you've been sick within the last 24 hours, the open door policy for parents just to name a few. In my opinion the drawbacks are the distance (about 30 minutes away), the cost, and that it's small. As for public school, we have one of the best around. There's many opportunities with a larger school, honors, FFA, athletics, etc. But I don't like the government regulation that public school has to follow! I don't like any part of that (this is another post as well!) But the boys are thriving and enjoying and what more could a momma ask for?
So we've tried all possibilities on educating our boys and I can honestly say that there are pro's and con's to every one! I'm thankful that we still live in a country that allows us this freedom and I hope we will always have that freedom. I'm thankful our boys are happy and will continue to teach them the things we feel are important at home. This momma bear will do whatever it takes for her boys...WHATEVER IT TAKES! I'm thankful that Gary is supportive of me and all my crazy ideas and I hope the boys know that all that we've done and will do is what we thought was best for them. Once again I will not give up and I will KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
Trinity
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