LAUGH...Home Alone

LAUGH...Home Alone

     Tis the season...all the Christmas shows and movies are on tv, shopping, decorating, family gatherings, and of course celebrating the birth of Jesus.  I love this time of year and have really enjoyed it more so after having children!  Nothing is better than watching life through the eyes of a child, or in my case the eyes of 4 boys.  They're so full of life and excitement in all that they do, not just at Christmas time.  When I stop and think about this, I also think about my dad and the way he lived life everyday.  All this thinking came about after Home Alone was on ABCfamily the other night.  

     I've seen Home Alone many times and I'm sure we even have it on dvd but this time it stopped me in my tracks.  Let me just explain...I saw Home Alone for the first time on the big screen with my dad when I was about 4th or 5th grade.  My second son, Ryler, is in the 4th grade and I just looked at him with thoughts flooding my mind.  I remember sitting in the very back of the theater next to my dad and laughing so hard that my side hurt.  I also remember thinking my dad was laughing so loud, when other people had already stopped laughing, that it was embarrassing me.  Really how could he be embarrassing in a dark theater?  That's funny in itself.  I'm sure we went more than once to the theater to see Home Alone and every time his laughter was louder.  After it came out on video and started showing on tv, we would watch it and still he'd laugh so very loud.  My dad had an infectious laugh and he'd laugh whenever he wanted even if it was not the appropriate time.  He had what I call a belly laugh and I'm sure I have a little bit of it too!  So as Home Alone was on tv and my boys were watching all I could think about was my dad and his laugh.  What I wouldn't give to hear that laugh now!  

     This made me smile and recall wonderful memories and then made me super sad, not for myself but for my boys.  It hit me like a ton of bricks that he's not here to make these kinds of memories with my boys.  It hurts!  I still can't believe he's gone!  I keep thinking he'll come driving up in his jeep with the radio blaring.  I ask myself, how long will I think like this?  I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably always think like this.  I've never known of pain like this!  But this will not define me and I will not let the sadness win.  So I just laughed like my dad and hugged my boys a little tighter!  And then they wanted to watch Duck Dynasty, now I've held out on watching it as long as I could, and I gave in.  Let me just say that I laughed like my dad!  I laughed so much that the boys were like ok mom it's not that funny!  Then I had to laugh more.  So now I guess it's my turn to make these memories with my boys and make everyday like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthday!  During the month I stayed with mom and dad, dad told me over and over how I had to keep going and doing for the boys no matter how hard it may be, so that's exactly what I will do.  Just when I get the wind knocked out of me and think I can't keep doing, I can feel my dad's presence saying, "bullshit kid, KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!  I didn't raise you like that, now just take a deep breath and push forward!"

     Good days and bad days are all part of the great plan and it's up to us to decide how to spend them.  

Trinity