Too much
Here I am, once again, fighting the urge to give into society's or the devil's scheme. It's the day before Christmas Eve and I'm wrapping presents and panic sets in...I don't have enough stuff! My mind goes crazy thinking about how I didn't get the boys enough. The tv is on in the background and every commercial reinforces my thoughts of not getting the boys enough presents. I'm falling into the pit quickly thinking ok I'll go to Wal-Mart. Hello, it's 11:30 at night and I'm thinking about going to Wal-Mart to buy more crap. So I talk to Gary and he's starting to get frustrated with me to say the least, so I drop it. But deep down I'm thinking I should've gotten them more. After wrapping what I already had and really thinking, I realize so many things. I felt my dad talking to me, as he did every year at this time, telling me that the boys already had enough crap! He used to tell me, "Trin, you buy too much shit! The boys have too much shit! Why don't you just stop buying shit and spend time with them doing things they want to do! The boys don't care about all the shit, they care about being with you!" If you can't tell, my dad thinks that I have too much "shit". And in all actuality I do!
My dad is not physically here this year to keep me in line but Gary is doing an awesome job! When I think about years past I remember just how much dad would remind me of the above! Really, dad has always been one that's not impressed with the stuff. He could live in anything anywhere and find the joy and happiness in everything. I feel his presence and it's so comforting to know he's still reminding me and teaching me, all I have to do is be still and listen. I know I'm doing the right thing in many ways...listening to Gary...not buying too much stuff...spending time with them (boys)...being thankful for all that I already have! Wow my parents really have taught me a few things that have sunk in, I've been told I'm a little hard headed! I'm so thankful for Gary, he really puts up with a lot and still loves me. We will open some presents tonight and tomorrow and we will appreciate all that we've got and celebrate the real reason for Christmas...the birth of Jesus!
This whole thought process made me think...why do we think we have to spend so much or get so much crap for Christmas? It's all so commercialized, just as most things are these days. Dad is right the kids don't really care about getting all the crap, they want your attention and time. I was thinking about my Christmas presents growing up and I can really only remember just a few...my own phone line! Yes, I'm dating myself. Back before everyone had cell phones and call waiting, I got my own phone line so I didn't have to share with mom and dad. However, I think mom & dad enjoyed it just as much as I did. They'd call me on my phone in my room to bring them something to them in their room! Or my favorite was when dad would call me to wake me up and sing on the phone. Now that's a great memory. That's just one present I remember clearly, let me just say that I got way more than plenty! But I don't remember all the presents, I remember driving all night to get to my sister's then to my Granny's and being around all the family. I remember most the feeling of being loved! That's right, what I remember most is the feeling of being loved!!!
So today is Christmas Eve and I'm thankful for all that we've got and that we get to spend time together making memories. I hope my boys will look back and remember the feeling of being loved, just as I do! I will do everything to make sure I pass that feeling on to them because it's way better than any present ever! Thank you mom & dad for giving me the best of everything...your time! Thank you Gary for putting up with my craziness and still loving me! Thank you dad, I can still feel your presence...please don't leave! And of course thank you for Jesus! Yes this time of year is hard without my dad here physically, but so is everyday! But I will "suck it up, buttercup!" as dad would tell me and find happiness in all that we have! Because no matter how hard it is, I will KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
Trinity
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