Training Day...

Garrin, Ryler, Gary, Trevin, & Alan


TRAINING DAY...


EVERYDAY IS A TRAINING DAY...according to Clovis.  Even if you look at everyday as a "training day" some days come at you like a speeding bullet that you can't seem to dodge.  I usually look at my days as training days and try to learn something from them.  Usually it's just a little something that I learn and sometimes it's a big something, but never has it been a truly HARD training day until I took the boys shooting Sunday night.  As I'm typing this I'm getting that knot in my gut all over again.

Papa Clovis spent many hours shooting and training with the boys.  He was full of knowledge about guns and spent many hours training and training others.  Garrin and Ryler have taken to his love of the firearm.  They enjoyed Papa teaching them all about them...even though they didn't know they were being taught at the time.  Well my sweet Ryler is having a time with this journey.  To say he's upset is an understatement.  Garrin is the first born and just taking care of everything and everyone.  Although I have seem him really break down a time or two, only when everyone else seems to be holding it together well.  So I asked the boys if they'd like to go shoot and if they'd like for Papa's friend Alan to come with us.  That was the first time I saw a twinkle of happiness in Ryler's eyes in over a month.  So I knew what had to be done and it didn't seem like something that hard at all.  Now looking back, I think what was I thinking!  It reminds me of a saying that my dad would say when you'd do or say something that you should know better but you say or do it anyway.  It goes a little something like this..."What are you smoking'?  cause I'd like some! how come you aren't sharing?"  I never really understood this saying until I got older and realized he meant smoking dope.  NOTE...I didn't learn this from personal experience!  I had to ask my dad and he so kindly explained it to me (sarcasm font needed here).  As much as my dad taught me, he sheltered me in many ways as well.  I NEVER tried any type of drugs and rarely even take prescription drugs from the doctor because my dad put the fear of God in me.  I could never go against his wishes and he never wanted me to try any type of drugs.  I had my four boys all natural because of his encouragement and it was the most amazing and beautiful experience of my life.  He'd always tell me, you've got to take the good with the bad and you've got to have both so you know how to enjoy all of life.  Well I've gotten a little off track with a few more sayings so now I'll get back to my story.
Taking the boys to shoot didn't seem like any big deal until we start gathering the gear to go and I just lost it.  I felt like I was going to throw up.  I went in the bathroom and just sat on the floor hugging the toilet.  I felt as if my insides were going to come out and if they weren't I was going to wish they would.  I made it though a month of being with my dad almost 24 hours a day, through his very last hours (I will write about this later....it'll be brutal), through his celebration of life and memorial service with feeling as if I was too weak to stand and like I was going to loose all control.  So I really thought I was prepared!  I really thought my training days had paid off because I was able to keep it together for the most part.  So to say this emotion caught me off guard is an understatement!
So as I sat on the floor crying and slobbering all over the place, I soon began to feel my dad.  "Come on Kid, I know it's tough but nobody said this was going to be easy".  He's told me that many a time.  So I gained my composure and got (this is a Clovis-ism) my shit straight.  I gathered my gear, pulled back my shoulders, and headed out to show my boys just what my dad has taught me.  Funny thing is I don't think I was suppose to show them anything about how to shoot but how to push on through the hard things and preserver.
My dad's buddy, Alan, was there to teach them all that I couldn't get out.  Alan was my dad's buddy and through this last month has become my buddy as well.  I've called and text him with the hard things and he always had encouraging words and reassured me I was doing just as dad would like.  I will forever be grateful for him and his strength.  So Alan helped teach the boys what my dad had taught him.  They had the best time and I must say it felt good.
It was the craziest thing ever...the hardest thing thus far made me feel the closest to my dad.  I could totally feel him when I was shooting with the boys and began to realize many things.  That I can get through tough times with grace, just as my dad would want me to and that I do have the toughest job.  He told me in his last weeks during our talks that he had it easy and that I was the one that had it hard.  I didn't understand exactly what he was saying until our shooting adventure.  He meant I have to be strong and go on with life.  Go on teaching my boys, training them that everyday is a training day, keeping them in line, making them think OUTSIDE the box, and of course cooking for them and teaching them how to cook.  Wow dad, you are really amazing and you're not even here but I feel him.  There was so much comfort in going shooting with my boys, even though it was the hardest thing to do so far.  My boys are amazing and give awesome strength!
So here's the jest...treat everyday as a training day...be prepared...have an open mind and embrace today.  Thanks dad for pushing me to do things that hurt but that bring so much joy!

Trinity