Hospital Stay, continued...

I'm sorry I realize I hadn't finished the hospital stay...so here goes!

     While in the waiting room, I remember the look on my mom's face as well as others that were there to comfort us.  It was pure shock and concern mixed with fear!  It seemed that all I could do was make jokes and try to make light of the situation.  So after what seemed like forever the receptionist came & got us for a phone call with a report on how his surgery was going.  I took it with my mom, husband, and sister by my side.  I can't remember what exactly they said but I remember thinking he can't die, not here and not now.  Not like this, he can't die in surgery or at the hospital!  That's absolutely not going to happen, I kept telling myself.  Well dad made it out of surgery with just a little difficulty.  They were only able to repair 4 instead of 5 bypasses.  The dr. said that the other one had grown it's own bypass and thought it was better to leave it alone.  It seemed like they kept him sedated until the next day when they took out the vent.  That was a super scary process and just when it seemed as if all was ok, they came and said it's very critical and don't know if he'll pull through.  I thought to myself, seriously now he's going to die, I don't think so!  He can't die now!  I know that life is precious and should never be taken for granted but I also know my dad didn't take life too seriously, because he always said that nobody gets out of this life alive.  Meaning we're all going to die someday and we can't take all our stuff with us when we go!  He told me on more than one occasion that you come into this world with nothing and you leave it with nothing!
     He managed to pull through and endure the rest of the hospital stay.  We stayed by his side and my mom never left!  She would barely go downstairs to eat.  I left after he was up and trying to get around and came home to work just a little.  I don't remember being able to focus on much at work or home.  We did take the boys up for 'boys night' on Thursday night to watch Burn Notice.  It was brutal to see them with my dad in the hospital.  Another example of how my dad would push through, I knew he didn't feel up to having 'boys night' but he wouldn't miss it for the world!  So he just made the best of it and tried to enjoy!  Then I realized my life would never be the same and I was trying to adjust and figure things out.  I felt like a little girl lost in a storm trying to find her way home!  I was like that for almost a year after my dad's heart attack.  Sometimes I still feel the same but now I can feel my dad's presence comforting and guiding me even though he's not physically here.  He suffered with so much pain over the last 3 years but I'm thankful for that time with him.  He was strong enough to endure the pain so that my mom, me, and my boys could prepare to go on without him.  I'm so very thankful for his strength and knowledge and most of all his love.  I heard over and over that many people could not endure what my dad was doing and that they'd just give up and die.  Once again most didn't understand him or his will and strength.
     Coming home from the hospital, mom and dad came to my house.  Many factors played into this, it's a whole other post!  The boys were relieved to have them home and at our house but I think they knew that it would never be the same again.  They're so smart, sometimes I wish I could see through their young eyes!  They stayed with us for a while, I can't remember how long.  Gary never questioned or said anything, once again his love and support was and still is amazing!!!  The next few months were a blur...it seems most of this is a blur.  I'm writing this 5 months after my dad has died and it still feels like a blur and bad dream that I'll wake up and realize that none of this happened!  I could only wish!  So mom and dad went for his 3 month check up and got the worst news...the bypass surgery didn't take and dad needed a heart transplant.  My mom couldn't even tell me this on the phone after their appointment and my dad just acted like he was going to take a different approach and that he'd prove them wrong!  I can only imagine their conversations over the next few days.  I was in complete denial!  Did I mention denial?  I've been in denial for quite some time.

     The rest of the story will have to wait and will probably take a few posts to get it.  Thanks for reading...

Trinity