Today...

Am I really old enough to have a teenage son???  I mean really, I don't feel old enough!  I probably look it but I certainly don't feel it!  I so don't know why this is getting to me but it is!  Not only do I have a 13 year old son but a double digit (10 year old) son as well.  This has been bugging me too...my sweet Ryler is 10, where did 10 years go?  I have Trevin who is 5 and Gentry who is 18 months and thank God I have these two!  I look at them and think that Garrin & Ryler should be that age, and then I quickly realize I'm losing time with my precious babies!  Why does time have to go by so fast?  I think about all the things I want to do with my kiddos and think how am I going to fit all this in because they are all growing up way too fast and I'm running out of time!  Oh my, I'm running out of time!

I just saw a quote that said you can always make more money but you can never make more time!

Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks.  I'm never going to get more time with my kiddos!  I could start crying here and sometimes I do!  I wish sometimes that I had the knowledge of an old person so I would know how important time spent well is...this is one of those moments when you go oh wow!  How come I didn't understand this before?  I may not have understood it before but I do now, so it's time to make the most of today!

Nothing really stays the same forever.  I'm learning to embrace today and make the most of it.  I can't get yesterday back and tomorrow isn't here yet so I must use today!

Live & Let Live

Live & Let Live

     I have a favorite pink faded tee that has this printed on it in yellow, LIVE AND LET LIVE!  I bought it because I absolutely believe that.  However, I'm learning that most do not.  They might say they believe that but their actions speak louder than words.  I'm just wondering why our society makes it ok for us to be judgemental of others.  I believe that we live in America, the greatest country ever.  Because men and women, past, present, and future have fought in many wars foreign and domestic just so that we may have the right to believe & speak our own opinions!  For that I'm thankful!

     I've just realized over the past couple of weeks how judgmental people can be and it reminded me of a story...I was in high school and had a friend that invited me to a Bible study.  Growing up we went to church, not regularly, and my dad went on occasion.  So I went to this Bible study and when I got home my dad asked me what I had learned.  I was a typical teenager with a lot of attitude!  I just said, "Oh you know stuff in the Bible, stuff you wouldn't know about!"  Whoa, did I really say that?  Yes, I did and what I learned next is way more valuable than anything I've ever learned in a Bible study!  My dad snapped those dark eyes at me and said, "Why don't you sit your little smart ass down!"  I remember thinking oh my, I smarted it off big time!  So he asked me what we had discussed at Bible study and I began telling him and before I could get out my Bible to refer to the notes I had taken he started quoting scripture.  Yes that's right, he was quoting scripture from the Bible without a Bible in front of him!  He was going so fast and quoting books in the Bible that I had never heard of!  I just stopped trying to flip around in the Bible and listened with wide eyes and awe!  So after a little while my dad so kindly pointed out that he thought he has raised me better than this.  I felt absolutely awful!  He explained that we are not to be judgmental of one another and that no where in the Bible did it say that we should judge others.  I have yet to find that we should be judgmental in the great book!  Dad explained to me that just because something doesn't appear to be a certain way doesn't mean that it is and that it's not our job to judge others in any way, shape, form, or fashion!  Talk about an amazing life lesson that my dad took the time to teach me.  He explained that just because someone doesn't look like I think they should doesn't mean that they don't have everything they need or want, that just because someone doesn't go to church on a regular basis doesn't mean they don't have a belief!  Who am I to judge!

     So here's my thoughts...LIVE AND LET LIVE!  Don't judge me because I don't conform to your thoughts afterall we are all responsible and will all have to answer for our own thoughts and actions!  So I hope that I'm not judgmental to others for their choices and that others will show me the same respect.  I will teach this life lesson to my boys and how important it is and I will KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity

Sunsets

     Love the Oklahoma sunsets!  My dad always loved the sunsets and sunrises.  He told me over and over again how important it was to stop and take it in.  He said, "Even if it's just for a few minutes, stop and look at the beauty because you'll only get a chance to see so many."  At times I'd think yeah, yeah, ok dad but as time goes on I realize more and more of what he was talking about.  I still think that his experience in Vietnam had a huge impact on his outlook on life.  He told me "Kid, you don't go into war and see the things war brings and not be right with God!"  I think about that often and how he was always telling me to stop and watch the sunset.  Just knowing that nothing stays the same forever and that you must enjoy the right now!  There's no guarantee of tomorrow!  When you really stop and think about how true this is, it can take your breath away!

     My dad could find the happy in the everyday tasks and even til his death, he was always finding the happy.  I love that and I want to be like that...HAPPY!  I think it takes constant effort to find the HAPPY.  It seems our society/world tends to focus on the down side of life and the negative but I refuse to let that take my HAPPY!  Sometimes I feel guilty for living life and having fun because my dad is not here but I can feel him and know that I'm making him proud.  I just keep remembering what he told me, "Just keep on living kid, keep on living!"  So I stop and look at the sunsets and take a few pics knowing that I'm making my dad proud.  I miss him more and more as time goes on but knowing he gave me all the skills to keep on living is the best gift I could've ever asked for!  Now that is what I focus on giving my boys, the ability to keep on living after I die.  I strongly believe this is the most important lesson a parent can give a child.

     Enjoy the sunset...keep on living...teach my boys the important life lessons...and KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity

   

A year later...

A year later...


          It's been a little over a year since my hero moved on from this earth to his next journey.  I don't feel much different than I did a year ago, I still pick up the phone to call my dad only to realize that I can't!  I still think I hear him coming in the drive and honestly I keep thinking he's gone on a job and will be home soon.  Then I stop and think and realize nope, he's not coming back.  And my breath is taken away all over again.  The pain floods my body and tears start to well up and then the boys bring me back to reality and I pull myself together.  And the few things that keep me going in the right direction are my faith and remembering that my dad told me to keep on living.

     Watching my dad die brings a new perspective to life.  I never have been one that cared too much about what others are doing or what others have, I pretty much march to the beat of my own drum.  But after watching his journey on earth end, I really don't care what others think, do, or have and I'm even more outspoken than before!  I realize that life's circumstances affect everyone in many ways and I have gained a new understanding for how others deal with their circumstances.  I am definitely a Live and Let Live kind of girl.  It's hard to imagine how life's circumstances will change you or how you will handle whatever comes your way but I've learned there's one certain in life and that is CHANGE!  Things will always change, always.

     This has been a year of firsts without my dad but then when you really stop and think about things, isn't everyday a day of firsts?  There will never be another today, so I firmly believe that we should all live everyday to the fullest.  Now I don't get all worked up over the things that I used to, now don't get me wrong, I'm still very passionate about many many things.  However, I do try to embrace what I can and go with the flow more than I ever have and I'm thankful to learn this and to keep learning!  Life's hard and most certainly not fair (that's something my dad taught me!) but it's the most amazing ride and even better if you'll stop and enjoy the in's and out's of everyday life.  At times I find myself cranky about little things and I can hear and feel my dad saying, "Enjoy it, kid!  It won't last forever so make the most of it right now!"  He told me that many many times and I'd understand for just a little while but  now it really sticks and I'm so thankful for these life lessons!

     I will never forget my dad telling me to "keep on living, kid, keep on living!"  He told me that the day I went to check on him and realized his eyes were yellow and that he was coming near the end of his journey here.  I look back on those words and I'm so thankful that he had the strength to give me that gift!  So I will "KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!"

Trinity

Dumbing down America!

This is a real warning label! 

DUMBING DOWN AMERICA...

     I can't even begin to express my frustration with this!  I really don't know why it bothers me so, but it does!  I wish I could just let stuff like this go but I just can't wrap my mind around this.  I wonder if no one else notices or cares that our country is being dumbed down faster than going through the drive through at McD's.  I'm a little bit of a conspiracy theory person, ok ok maybe a big conspiracy theory  person.  I wish sometimes I could live in what I like to call "the bubble" but once you know something you can't un-know it.  My dad used to say that thinking was hard, I didn't really understand exactly what he meant but it's becoming more and more clear.

     Did you ever stop to think that the marketing people are doing a great job at keeping us so focused on buying or getting more stuff that we stop thinking for ourselves?  It's all about whatever sells...basically it's all about the money!  Yes that's right, it's all about the money!  So we've become so worried about making the buck that we can no longer think for ourselves?  We are too busy working at a job that we probably don't really like to make the buck to buy the crap that we really don't need and it's a vicious cycle.  We have become the hamster on the wheel going round and round.  Why?  Why have we allowed this to happen and why do we allow it to keep happening?

     So this little card, that someone had to write and proof and print, is job justification for someone.  We have become a society that has to have warning labels on everything!  Why?  Because we might get hurt?  Because we might get sued?  Or because we might have to actually think!  Oh my, thinking for yourself...now that's a novel concept!  This is just the beginning of Dumbing Down America and I'm afraid that it's going at warp speed.  Warning labels...really?  I'll stop there because I can go on and on and on...this is where you should feel sorry for my hubby for having to listen to me go on and on and on!

Trinity

Parenting...toughest job ever!

Boys new phones...at least til school's out!

Parenting...toughest job ever!

Why is it so hard to be a good parent?  I thought the hard part of parenting was when they were little.  I was wrong...it's all hard.  Well, I guess it's only hard if you do what really needs to be done.  I can remember my parents telling me that what ever my punishment was, was way harder on them than on me.  I was thinking to myself, yea right!  Well now that I'm the parent, I think once again they were right!

The big boys have had a year of adjustments to say the least.  It's almost been a year since my dad, their Papa, died.  He was their babysitter from the very beginning and was their number one fan but also was hard on them too.  We homeschooled for the first nine weeks or so before starting at public school and last year they'd been at the private christian school.  So they've had quite an adjustment to add to their day to day lives.  We've tried to be understanding about all these changes but there comes a time when you just have to suck it up and deal with it.  My dad used to tell me this a lot, "Suck it up, buttercup!"  

So this is the boys first real dose of "Suck it up, buttercup!"  They didn't do anything just terrible or wrong but you know when things aren't going the direction you're trying to keep them going then something has to be done.  I know every parent thinks their child is the best and I'm really no different.  The boys had been slacking, not doing their best work at school (as in they've barely cracked a book!), not doing their chores the first time they were told, and kinda just taking on a lazy attitude.  We had put up with it long enough and I knew something had to get their attention.  So I went to the Wal-Mart and bought 2 go phones and sat out to get their attention!  

They woke up last Friday morning to a new world, one without their iPhone!  I tied bows on them and wrote them a note.  I wanted the element of surprise to get their attention and I got it!  I thought to myself, finally I'm getting their attention!  But man oh man was it so hard to do and watch.  I wanted to make it all better and give them back their iPhones but I knew that would be a huge step in the wrong direction.  I had to take a stand on what our family is all about and it had to be firm!  So with a smile on my face and a little bit of laughing, I stayed the course and stayed strong all the while thinking some day they'll thank me.  And if not then we can go to therapy together when they're 30!

So as the boys are loading up to go to school I ask them if they have their phones and my oldest says, "No, not taking it!"  Oh that was the icing on the cake for this momma!  I began to spit words out as fast as I could explaining that his phone is for MY convenience not HIS!  How dare you to be so ungrateful for all that you've been given.  Then I hugged him even though he was fuming mad at me and told him just how much I loved him.  My heart was breaking even though I knew I was doing the right thing!

Why is it so hard to do the right thing?  Why?  Well I don't know but I'm standing my ground.  Praying that we are making the right decisions and being the uncool parent...yup that's us and we are proud of it!  So I've decided that being a parent is the hardest job ever but so worth it.  I've been given the responsibility to mold and shape these boys into men and productive citizens of society, ones that can live on their own without me, stand up for what they believe in, and be awesome husbands and daddys.  This is not to be taken lightly and I will do whatever it takes! 

Trinity 

Learning more...

     I'm learning more and more each day, after all everyday is a training day!  At least that's what my dad taught me, that everyday is a training day.  In some way, shape, or form we all learn something everyday.  Now what we do with what we learn is left up to us as individuals.  I've decided that I want to use whatever it is I learn everyday for the betterment of me and my family.  With that thought process, I realize that this isn't the easy road!  Sometimes I wish I could go with the easy road because it's exhausting to stand for what you know is right.  At times I feel like I can't keep fighting for what I know in my heart and soul to be right but giving in is NOT an option.  I couldn't live with myself if I gave in just because it was easier.  I can hear my dad, "Suck it up buttercup!" So I will because that's what a daddy's girl does!

     I've come to the realization that not everyone can or will stand up for their beliefs.  I don't understand this and believe me I've tried!  So here's my thoughts...if you love someone, be it your family or friend, then you love all of them.  You don't just love them when it's convenient for you or when they believe or think like you, you love them for who they are.  What I don't understand is that most people don't feel like they can be who they really are for fear of hurting someone's feelings.  Really!?  Have we become a society so worried about hurting someone's feelings that we will sway whatever direction to make them feel more comfortable?  It seems to be more and more that way.  Well let me just say that's not me!!!  If you're my family or friend then I'll love you for who you are, not for who I want or think you should be.  My dad told me on more than one occasion that if I didn't agree with him, then he'd done his job as my parent to teach me to be an independent thinker and not be a sheep!  So why do I keep fighting the good fight?  Sometimes I wonder but I can tell you this much...I KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON because that's one of the amazing life lessons that my dad taught me and I must teach that to my 4 boys!

     I will teach them to be independent thinkers and then kick myself when they grow up and don't think just like me!  I will teach them to love those that are close to them no matter what their differences may be and I will teach them to have a "set"!  This is a whole other post about having a "set"...by this I mean teaching my boys to be men, real men.  I'll stop there and write about that later because I could go on and on about this topic!  But most important I will teach them by my actions to KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity