Lion, lamb, flagpole!

     I don't feel much different today...now that I'm 36!  Yesterday was my birthday and it brought some tough memories.  It's been 4 years ago on my birthday that life changed forever.  My dad went to the hospital on my birthday.  Little did I know just how much life would change in less than 5 years.  Some days it still feels like a dream.  Sometimes I can't stand to be around others that have their dad or papa and especially those that take that time for granted!  Other days it feels like all I can do is get through the day.  Most days I think of my dad and smile and count my blessings that he was such an amazing part of our lives.  Then I'm reminded of the saying...Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened!  So that's what I try to do, some days I do better than others.  I've heard over and over again that it gets better after the first year but I don't think so.  I've also realized that this is not something that you get over, it's a new way of life...there's a big difference. 

     I think it's better to have lived life to the fullest without holding back than to always be cautious and never live!  My dad always said he'd rather live 1 day as a lion than a thousand as a lamb!  I know this is surprising but I feel the same way.  What's the point of this big journey if we don't really live and use all we've got to give?  I've never been one to "play it safe" and I'm definitely the flag in my marriage.  I have a dear friend that says that most relationships have someone that's the flag and someone that's the flagpole.  The flagpole is steady and constant and the flag, well you know waves in the wind!  So yes that's me...the flag.  Gary is definitely the flagpole and he's amazing to put up with me waving in the wind so much!  I definitely got a good one.  I'm saying all this to say that whatever you are,  be it!  Enjoy it!  Embrace it!  So that's what I'm trying to do and somedays are better than others.  But everyday I'm trying and hopefully soon I'll get back to waving in the wind only like a flag can in western Oklahoma.  

     I've been a little, ok a lot, lost since my dad died!  He was my "go to" person for everything and my best friend and I miss him!  Did I mention that I miss him?  The funny thing is just when I think I'm going to have a melt down, I have this feeling come on.  Sometimes it's a swift kick in the butt, or this pinch on the back of my arm, and sometimes it's this calmness telling me I can and I will do this...live life!  That's the one thing that dad told me to do and that it was an absolute must...LIVE LIFE!  And yes I'd totally rather live one day as a lion than a thousand as a lamb!  

KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity