Papa & Gentry
Today is my dad's birthday. He would've been 59, seriously that's too young to die! However, I feel like he lived more in his almost 59 years of life than most live in a hundred years of life. He lived life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. He lived life to the fullest. He never really wanted to do much for his birthday because he said that everyday was his birthday. He said you can have everyday as your birthday when you really live life everyday. How awesome is that, I mean really how many of us live our lives like everyday is our birthday? I don't, but I do more now than ever before. Dad never gave presents on the actual day. He was like a big kid and could never wait! I always got to open a few presents early on Christmas! I will pass on the tradition.
I was looking through pictures of my dad and this one really caught my attention for many reasons. I love the way Gentry is looking up at him and how my strong, loving dad is looking down on his grandson. It's just priceless! I love looking at pictures of my dad but it also cuts deep for the realization sets in that I'll never take another picture of him! I'm a picture person and always taking pics of my family. However the thought that I'll never take another picture of him with my boys makes my heart hurt. It hurts like someone has knocked me down and taken my breath away. I'm so very thankful to have so many pictures and I'll continue to keep taking them. I want to put out a bunch of pictures of my dad at times but then other times I don't want to look at them, it just hurts too much. Everything I've been reading about grief is that it takes time, and I realize it should take time. However, I didn't realize just how hard it would be and that I'd still be waking up everyday asking myself, "Did my dad really die?"! I know it'll get easier or at least I think it will, but not a day goes by that I don't think of him or pick up the phone to call him. Sometimes it still feels like I'm just going through the motions and that I'll wake up from this crazy nightmare that just won't stop. Then I realize it did really happen and I've got to get myself together and KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
A combination of this picture and my dad's birthday has also brought up another topic...I must grow up! Did I mention that I'm 35 years old and I have to grow up and I don't like it, not one bit! We've been having some major changes in our household (I'll write about these in another post) and my dad was always the one to talk me through everything. He was there guiding, encouraging, loving, and training me through this journey called life. I know that most people can do that on their own but I've never had to until now. Now I'm thrown into full blown grown up mode and it stinks! I'm thinking about when I was younger and my biggest fear was getting home by dark. Yes I'm that old that I played outside all day and just had to get home before dark. What a life! Back to having to grow up, I'm trying but it's hard. My dad could talk with me and help me understand and make me listen to my hubby. My dad always supported whatever it was Gary was doing or however he was doing it. Therefore, my dad tried to teach me to listen to hubby. Now that I'm looking back I realize just what a gift he was giving me, to listen to my husband. So as we celebrate my dad's amazing life today, I will also think of all the things he's taught me. I will be thankful for the time I've had with him and all the awesome memories and life lessons he's taught me. Life goes on and this picture is proof of that because Gentry will carry on part of him, even if his time was short with his Papa. Life is too short not to be thankful and to live each day to the fullest and treat it (each day) as a gift.
Happy Birthday dad and thanks so much for all you've done and given to me and my family. I couldn't ask for a better dad and I'm so thankful to have you as my dad! We will think of you everyday and talk about you numerous times throughout our days and watch you continue to live on through your grandsons. Love you lots, I know you already know that but I miss you terribly!!!
Trinity
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