Father's Day without him...

Father's Day without him...

Yesterday was Father's Day and it was way harder than I ever thought it'd be!  As I was getting cards for my husband and father-in-law I couldn't help but get one for my dad as well.  Yes I know he's not physically here to see it but I just had to get him a card.  I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, oh how I miss him!  I'm a card person and always get my parents cards or make them cards.  So I looked for just the right one and brought it home and wrote in it like I always do!  

So as I began to write to my dad this is what I put on the card...

Dad, You moved on to your new journey on May 2, 2012 but I still had to get you a card for Father's Day.  Thank you for all you've done and continue to do for me and my family.  Your physical presence is not here but we all feel you here often...please stay around- it gives me so much peace and comfort!  I hope you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me and just how much you've taught me!  I feel lost without you here, but I know you're still guiding me- now I just have to really listen to hear you!  The strength you have is so AMAZING- physical, emotional, spiritual!  I'm so thankful to call you my dad and I miss you more than you'll ever know!!!  Love you & miss you, Trin

My heart hurts and my gut aches!  I feel him here and Trevin says he's here a lot but that still doesn't take away the actual pain!  I've never known of pain like this.  I never knew I could feel so many different emotions.  I feel like I'm going crazy at times but know I'm not.  I feel like I'm all alone even though I'm not.  I feel angry and mad that he's gone but then not because he's out of pain and in eternal peace.  And just when I think my sadness is getting the best of me, I can hear my dad say, "Suck it up buttercup!  Focus on the boys and teach them all I've taught you.  I told you this wouldn't be easy but some things in life just aren't easy, kid!".  I know he's right, crap he was right all the time!  Just wish it wasn't so hard to "carry on"!  So I'll put on my big girl panties and deal with it and make the most of it because that's what he'd want me to do.  And if you're a daddy's girl then you do whatever it is your daddy says...so I have decided to get a box to put my cards that I'll keep writing to my dad in.  Because however I need to do is ok and whatever I do will be ok too.  I've lost my best friend next to Gary!  I think of my sweet mom often.  She's amazing and so very strong, glad I have some of her in me!  Father's Day was painful for me but I think their anniversary which is next month with be very hard for my mom.  I wish I could do something, anything to make this easier for her!  She's done and continue to do so much for me and my family that I'll never be able to do as much for her.  But I guess that's what parents do for their kiddos, I'm learning from my own experiences.  I'm so blessed to have had the amazing parents that I've had and so thankful that I have this time with my mom!  She's awesome in too many ways to mention, just hope I can be some comfort to her like she's been to me!  Our bond has been strengthen through these last few months and I'm thankful she's MY momma!  So we will keep on keeping on...just as my dad wished!

Trinity