Choose STRONGER!

I don't really have the words to describe how I feel...

A few weeks ago I told Gary my whole body hurt, even my toenails.  I didn't know I could hurt that bad or that hard but I was wrong!  Oh how I wish it wasn't so but the truth is this pain is indescribable!  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  I know this too shall pass but living and walking through it will definitely either make you stronger or weaker.  I choose STRONGER!!!  I choose stronger because I can hear my dad loud and clear saying, "What are you crying around for, kid?  Life's not fair!  Nobody said this was going to be easy.  Nothing stays the same forever and you don't get out of this world alive.  So suck it up buttercup and be thankful for all that you've got!".  Then he'd give me a hug, you know the kind of hug where you know every thing's going to be alright.  At that point I knew I'd have to put a smile on my face and make the most of whatever situation I was dealing with.  There's just something about a dad and his daughter!  He always made me feel safe, secure, loved, encouraged, challenged,  and motivated just to name a few.  I can't even begin to explain the comfort he gave me.  My dad was in tune to what was going on and knew just what to do to help me through.  We had a connection like no other.

After he had his heart attack, almost 3 years ago, I began to realize just how in tune dad was to me.  I understood just how much he loved and cared about me and my boys, not like I ever doubted his love for me.   But you just don't always understand what you have until it's compromised or gone.  I'm thankful that dad was compromised before he was gone.  I really believe these last few years really prepared me and my mom for a life without him physically here.  And I say physically here because he's still here...I can still feel his presence!  I'm so very thankful that I can feel him.  It's funny, the things that you're thankful for change.  The things that I used to be thankful for and that I thought were so very important are so little.  I mean little like a speck of sand on the beach.  Things that matter now are the real things in life.  I've never lost anyone close to me and so this is all so very raw.  I remember dad telling me too many times to remember that people are born everyday and people die everyday and still life goes on and the world keeps turning.  At times I thought how cold and other times I thought that's so true.  So I will choose STRONGER!  I will remember and talk about my dad as much as I can and most certainly I will teach my boys just as my dad wanted me to!  So when in doubt always go with your gut and choose STRONGER!!!

Trinity