My dad had a saying...PROPER PLANNING PREVENTS PISS POOR PROGRESS.
He'd always remind me of the 6P's when I wasn't prepared for something or some situation. When I first think about the 6P's, I think about being prepared physically for whatever may come your way. Dad was always telling me to look around and pay attention to my surroundings. He'd say, "Don't be a target!". If you're a gun person you understand that, if not I'm sorry. Dad always seemed to be prepared for the unplanned. I admired that about him and now I hope to be more like him. However, as I've grown up I realized that the 6P's can take on a whole other meaning. To be prepared mentally for what may or may not come your way is a huge part of the 6P's. It took me a long time to grasp the 6P's but I'm slowing catching on. He always said it was better to act than to react to situations. That takes some thought to understand but it's so very true.
Physically prepared has numerous meanings. My dad always seemed to have whatever tool or stuff he needed in a pinch. Now that I think back, I don't know if he really had the tools or stuff or if he just thought outside the box and made things work. Dad was definitely an outside the box thinker. I love that about him and think I'm a little like him. He was always telling me to think kid, think! And I'd say, "I am dad, but I still don't get it.". That's when he'd stop everything, and I mean everything, and explain it to me until I got it. Sometimes that was a few minutes and sometimes a lot longer. If it happened to take a lot longer, then he'd keep talking and explaining over several days and then jokingly remind me over the years. Dad never seemed to forget anything, sometimes that was a good thing but most times in didn't go in my favor! Sometimes I just wanted to give up trying to understand. Dad wouldn't hear of giving up or even trying. He'd say you either do or don't but don't just try, trying is for the weak! I think of his encouragement over the years and I'm just in awe. I hope I'm that encouraging to my kiddos and my family. After all my dad had plenty of reasons not to be positive and encouraging, but none of that mattered because he just kept "keep on keeping on". Someday I'll write about some of the reasons he had to not be so positive and encouraging but just not now.
Mentally being prepared is a must for survival according to Clovis. He'd tell me how wars were won with mental preparedness over physical strength. This always made me think of David and Goliath. Anyway, dad told me thinking things through was way harder than doing things. Now as I'm close to my 35th birthday I realize just how right he was. Dad also taught me that being mentally prepared was something that no one or time could take away from you. And it's really something that has no cost either. I can think of many many ways to be mentally prepared that my dad taught me but the ones that stick out in my mind the most are the ones about protecting myself. I took a knife class my dad organized and put on one weekend after I graduated high school. I learned more in that weekend than I ever thought. I carry a knife to this day and feel naked without it. Yes I wear it everywhere, if you see me I've got it on me. I carry a knife like my dad carried his gun...EVERYWHERE! You wouldn't believe how handy a knife is for everyday use, let alone in self defense. Luckily I've never had to use it for self defense yet and I hope I never do, but so thankful I know how to use it. I kinda think I've never had to use it because I'm mentally prepared when I'm out and about places and around crowds or people. You'd be amazed how many people are walking targets for the bad guy. I always want to go up to those people and say, wake up! You are making it too easy for the bad guys to take advantage of you. Surprisingly I don't, I keep my mouth shut and just keep paying attention to my surroundings.
So the 6P's have many meanings and I'm still learning the value of them. I'm so thankful that dad didn't give up on me and kept on until I saw the light. I realize when I think back about how much time he gave me and all the others things I'm sure he wanted to do and didn't because he wanted to make sure that I understood the importance of being prepared for whatever comes my way. I'd ask him why do I have to learn this stuff and his response is because I'm not always going to be here kid and you've got to take care of things yourself. Once I started having my babies, he stressed the importance of teaching them to be self reliant. He'd tell me that I need to teach them to be independent thinkers and not to be upset when their independent thinking didn't fall in line with mine because that just meant that I'd done my job and done it well. So he was right, he's not always going to be here to guide and protect me but he's given me the best gift ever....his love, time, and guidance. For that I'm forever grateful!
Trinity
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Where's your faith, kid???
Today I went back to acupuncture for the 2nd time since my dad died. It's so bitter sweet. I love to think about all the time we spent going to OKC together and our great conversations! I know everyone thinks their dad is one of a kind but I'm telling you my dad is ONE OF A KIND! I can't even begin to describe or tell all the great life lessons he's taught me and still continues to teach me even without his physical presence. So today was no different, I learned something!
Well I have to back the story up just a little bit. My dad always drove what we call junker vehicles. He didn't believe in borrowing money if he could help it. He believed the less "stuff" the better. Because he told me the more "stuff" you have the more the "stuff " controls you...you have to pay for it, take care of it, etc. I can't say that I've always listened to this advice but I'm trying more and more because I can see how important it is not to let "stuff" control your thoughts and actions! So with that little bit of history you can see where I'm going with the rest of my story.
After dad died, my mom gave my boys his jeep. It needed some work and definitely some new tires. I kept asking dad why he didn't get a new vehicle to drive, after all he had the means to get something better. He'd always say this is fine and I don't need anything. There's a long story about needs vs. wants and I'll write about it soon. Just know that dad felt very strongly about using the word need. So mom cleaned out the jeep and that was a brutal process and gave it to us. We took it to get fixed up and tires and oil change. Well this all happened at at time when my car started leaking oil. So I have a spare to drive and didn't have to drive a farm truck while my car is getting checked out. Funny how things work out. When I went to get his jeep, it was so hard. Way harder than I really thought it'd be. It was like I could feel him, which was super comforting while crazy hard. So I brought it home and parked it in the garage and thought I'm probably not going to drive much til my car is done. Well that's what I get for thinking. The last 2 days I've driven all over the place taking the boys to tractors and to town for various reasons. My mom just cries when she sees me drive his jeep. Oh how I wish I could make this better for her but all I can do is love her and be there for her whenever she needs. So after the second day of driving the jeep I felt dad...
I felt dad when I got in his jeep and his voice was talking to me. He said, "kid, it's just 'stuff' so just drive the piss out of it and enjoy it!". I had to smile because that was him and exactly what he'd say! So being the daddy's girl I am and usually listening to him, I thought ok dad I will drive it. Now when I sit in his seat and think about him driving, it brings a smile to my face and so much peace to my heart. I'm so thankful that mom gave us his jeep. I feel like I have a part of him with me. So I've mentioned he drove junker vehicles...he also didn't keep them clean. So that's an understatement, he used his vehicle. I mean he really used it. Needless to say I haven't gotten around to really cleaning it up. I'm not much on keeping my vehicle all that clean either. What's that saying? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! But no matter how dirty or unkept his jeep was, he was prepared for anything. I think about him always telling me the 6 P's! That is my next blog...The 6 P's!
So today as I got in the jeep to go to OKC for acupuncture, I was quickly reminded just how much dad was prepared for whatever. About half way there, it started raining and raining hard. I started to panic thinking the windshield wipers probably wouldn't work. I'm not sure why I thought that exactly but that's what I was thinking when I began to turn them on. Much to my surprise they worked like new! I felt like dad was taking care of me, just like he always does! Matter of fact I could totally hear him saying, "Did you really think I didn't have things covered? Where's your faith, kid?". So I laughed and cried all at the same time, thinking about all the wonderful things my dad has done for me. Then I began to think about him telling me in his last month that I had the hard job now and I must always think and be prepared. It was my turn to be "the voice of reason" and it's not an easy thing to be, but it's my turn to step up to the plate. So I will think things through a lot more and work to be more prepared...afterall I've got to make him proud and carry on!
Trinity
Well I have to back the story up just a little bit. My dad always drove what we call junker vehicles. He didn't believe in borrowing money if he could help it. He believed the less "stuff" the better. Because he told me the more "stuff" you have the more the "stuff " controls you...you have to pay for it, take care of it, etc. I can't say that I've always listened to this advice but I'm trying more and more because I can see how important it is not to let "stuff" control your thoughts and actions! So with that little bit of history you can see where I'm going with the rest of my story.
After dad died, my mom gave my boys his jeep. It needed some work and definitely some new tires. I kept asking dad why he didn't get a new vehicle to drive, after all he had the means to get something better. He'd always say this is fine and I don't need anything. There's a long story about needs vs. wants and I'll write about it soon. Just know that dad felt very strongly about using the word need. So mom cleaned out the jeep and that was a brutal process and gave it to us. We took it to get fixed up and tires and oil change. Well this all happened at at time when my car started leaking oil. So I have a spare to drive and didn't have to drive a farm truck while my car is getting checked out. Funny how things work out. When I went to get his jeep, it was so hard. Way harder than I really thought it'd be. It was like I could feel him, which was super comforting while crazy hard. So I brought it home and parked it in the garage and thought I'm probably not going to drive much til my car is done. Well that's what I get for thinking. The last 2 days I've driven all over the place taking the boys to tractors and to town for various reasons. My mom just cries when she sees me drive his jeep. Oh how I wish I could make this better for her but all I can do is love her and be there for her whenever she needs. So after the second day of driving the jeep I felt dad...
I felt dad when I got in his jeep and his voice was talking to me. He said, "kid, it's just 'stuff' so just drive the piss out of it and enjoy it!". I had to smile because that was him and exactly what he'd say! So being the daddy's girl I am and usually listening to him, I thought ok dad I will drive it. Now when I sit in his seat and think about him driving, it brings a smile to my face and so much peace to my heart. I'm so thankful that mom gave us his jeep. I feel like I have a part of him with me. So I've mentioned he drove junker vehicles...he also didn't keep them clean. So that's an understatement, he used his vehicle. I mean he really used it. Needless to say I haven't gotten around to really cleaning it up. I'm not much on keeping my vehicle all that clean either. What's that saying? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! But no matter how dirty or unkept his jeep was, he was prepared for anything. I think about him always telling me the 6 P's! That is my next blog...The 6 P's!
So today as I got in the jeep to go to OKC for acupuncture, I was quickly reminded just how much dad was prepared for whatever. About half way there, it started raining and raining hard. I started to panic thinking the windshield wipers probably wouldn't work. I'm not sure why I thought that exactly but that's what I was thinking when I began to turn them on. Much to my surprise they worked like new! I felt like dad was taking care of me, just like he always does! Matter of fact I could totally hear him saying, "Did you really think I didn't have things covered? Where's your faith, kid?". So I laughed and cried all at the same time, thinking about all the wonderful things my dad has done for me. Then I began to think about him telling me in his last month that I had the hard job now and I must always think and be prepared. It was my turn to be "the voice of reason" and it's not an easy thing to be, but it's my turn to step up to the plate. So I will think things through a lot more and work to be more prepared...afterall I've got to make him proud and carry on!
Trinity
Monday, June 18, 2012
Father's Day without him...
Father's Day without him...
Yesterday was Father's Day and it was way harder than I ever thought it'd be! As I was getting cards for my husband and father-in-law I couldn't help but get one for my dad as well. Yes I know he's not physically here to see it but I just had to get him a card. I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, oh how I miss him! I'm a card person and always get my parents cards or make them cards. So I looked for just the right one and brought it home and wrote in it like I always do!
So as I began to write to my dad this is what I put on the card...
Dad, You moved on to your new journey on May 2, 2012 but I still had to get you a card for Father's Day. Thank you for all you've done and continue to do for me and my family. Your physical presence is not here but we all feel you here often...please stay around- it gives me so much peace and comfort! I hope you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me and just how much you've taught me! I feel lost without you here, but I know you're still guiding me- now I just have to really listen to hear you! The strength you have is so AMAZING- physical, emotional, spiritual! I'm so thankful to call you my dad and I miss you more than you'll ever know!!! Love you & miss you, Trin
My heart hurts and my gut aches! I feel him here and Trevin says he's here a lot but that still doesn't take away the actual pain! I've never known of pain like this. I never knew I could feel so many different emotions. I feel like I'm going crazy at times but know I'm not. I feel like I'm all alone even though I'm not. I feel angry and mad that he's gone but then not because he's out of pain and in eternal peace. And just when I think my sadness is getting the best of me, I can hear my dad say, "Suck it up buttercup! Focus on the boys and teach them all I've taught you. I told you this wouldn't be easy but some things in life just aren't easy, kid!". I know he's right, crap he was right all the time! Just wish it wasn't so hard to "carry on"! So I'll put on my big girl panties and deal with it and make the most of it because that's what he'd want me to do. And if you're a daddy's girl then you do whatever it is your daddy says...so I have decided to get a box to put my cards that I'll keep writing to my dad in. Because however I need to do is ok and whatever I do will be ok too. I've lost my best friend next to Gary! I think of my sweet mom often. She's amazing and so very strong, glad I have some of her in me! Father's Day was painful for me but I think their anniversary which is next month with be very hard for my mom. I wish I could do something, anything to make this easier for her! She's done and continue to do so much for me and my family that I'll never be able to do as much for her. But I guess that's what parents do for their kiddos, I'm learning from my own experiences. I'm so blessed to have had the amazing parents that I've had and so thankful that I have this time with my mom! She's awesome in too many ways to mention, just hope I can be some comfort to her like she's been to me! Our bond has been strengthen through these last few months and I'm thankful she's MY momma! So we will keep on keeping on...just as my dad wished!
Trinity
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Keep on keeping on...
Today I went to acupuncture....
The first time I went to acupuncture was about 6 years ago. It was my last thing to try to help my hands. I was a hair stylist and my hands and fingers were broken out something terrible. I should have listened to my body then saying you need to do something different. However, I was stubborn. I think I've mentioned that before. I loved my job and didn't want to quit and was going to exalt all efforts to keep working. Now looking back I think, wow how did I not see how important it is for me to be home with my boys? Oh well, live and learn. And that's exactly what I'm doing. So the first time I went I was terrified to say the least. My dad drove me and talked me through the whole process and of course cheered me on. He was always one of my biggest cheerleaders. Yes, I've been very blessed with tons of support with everything I do and I'm so very thankful! So dad and I talked during the drive to Oklahoma City (about and hour away) about life and all sorts of things. He always had a way of making you think...I mean really making you think about things. He waited on me while I was getting my treatment. I should make a note right here about how my dad always waited on me! That's a whole story in itself. So after my 2 hour long appointment, my dad stopped to get me something to eat and then drove me home while I slept. He'd tell me to lay back the seat and if you go to sleep then we will fly home kid! He told me that every since I can remember! So I laid back my seat and he turned up the radio. He either listened to conservative talk radio or oldies and I mean loud with the ac on high. So it might be middle of August and 105 outside but I always carried a blanket because he'd freeze me out. That was always the best sleep! One of the comforting things my dad did for me and one of the many ways he always looked out for me.
So after my first visit, dad and I decided he'd go with me and get a treatment as well. The next week we both went and from then on we went together. It was our thing to do together. Sometimes we'd actually stop to eat somewhere or he'd help me get my shopping done at Sam's. Sometimes we'd have the boys with us and they'd play and go back and forth between our rooms. We usually always had a great time. That's one of the things about my dad, you usually always had a great time with him around. He could turn any situation into a positive one and always get you to laugh all while teaching you a good lesson and really making you think! I didn't realize just what dad was doing or how important it was until these last few years. I'm thankful I was listening when he was teaching!
Today was just a little tough...bittersweet. As I got in the car to go to OKC to get acupuncture treatment, my mind was flooded with memories of my dad. Great memories! I'm not saying it wasn't a hard day but it also gave me great comfort. It's like I could feel my dad with me today and all alone at the same time. Driving alone with no one to talk to, I realized just how much I miss my dad! I miss him! I miss him! I miss him! Oh, how I miss him! I'm so thankful that I can feel him around all the time. Today was another reminder that I'm all grown up now. But I can tell he's proud of the way I'm living and I can hear him say "keep on keeping on kid". Even though it was a tough day, it was really good in many ways. I'm beginning to understand the saying when things come full circle. When I think about where I was in my life the first time I went to acupuncture and where I'm at in my life now, I'm in awe of how things change and often times for the better even when we don't see it or understand it. So no matter how hard this process may be I will "keep on keeping on" because that's what my dad taught me. Just another life lesson that I'm so thankful for! Just as dad always said, "Everyday is a training day". I walked through another one with strength and that's all any of us can do.
Trinity
The first time I went to acupuncture was about 6 years ago. It was my last thing to try to help my hands. I was a hair stylist and my hands and fingers were broken out something terrible. I should have listened to my body then saying you need to do something different. However, I was stubborn. I think I've mentioned that before. I loved my job and didn't want to quit and was going to exalt all efforts to keep working. Now looking back I think, wow how did I not see how important it is for me to be home with my boys? Oh well, live and learn. And that's exactly what I'm doing. So the first time I went I was terrified to say the least. My dad drove me and talked me through the whole process and of course cheered me on. He was always one of my biggest cheerleaders. Yes, I've been very blessed with tons of support with everything I do and I'm so very thankful! So dad and I talked during the drive to Oklahoma City (about and hour away) about life and all sorts of things. He always had a way of making you think...I mean really making you think about things. He waited on me while I was getting my treatment. I should make a note right here about how my dad always waited on me! That's a whole story in itself. So after my 2 hour long appointment, my dad stopped to get me something to eat and then drove me home while I slept. He'd tell me to lay back the seat and if you go to sleep then we will fly home kid! He told me that every since I can remember! So I laid back my seat and he turned up the radio. He either listened to conservative talk radio or oldies and I mean loud with the ac on high. So it might be middle of August and 105 outside but I always carried a blanket because he'd freeze me out. That was always the best sleep! One of the comforting things my dad did for me and one of the many ways he always looked out for me.
So after my first visit, dad and I decided he'd go with me and get a treatment as well. The next week we both went and from then on we went together. It was our thing to do together. Sometimes we'd actually stop to eat somewhere or he'd help me get my shopping done at Sam's. Sometimes we'd have the boys with us and they'd play and go back and forth between our rooms. We usually always had a great time. That's one of the things about my dad, you usually always had a great time with him around. He could turn any situation into a positive one and always get you to laugh all while teaching you a good lesson and really making you think! I didn't realize just what dad was doing or how important it was until these last few years. I'm thankful I was listening when he was teaching!
Today was just a little tough...bittersweet. As I got in the car to go to OKC to get acupuncture treatment, my mind was flooded with memories of my dad. Great memories! I'm not saying it wasn't a hard day but it also gave me great comfort. It's like I could feel my dad with me today and all alone at the same time. Driving alone with no one to talk to, I realized just how much I miss my dad! I miss him! I miss him! I miss him! Oh, how I miss him! I'm so thankful that I can feel him around all the time. Today was another reminder that I'm all grown up now. But I can tell he's proud of the way I'm living and I can hear him say "keep on keeping on kid". Even though it was a tough day, it was really good in many ways. I'm beginning to understand the saying when things come full circle. When I think about where I was in my life the first time I went to acupuncture and where I'm at in my life now, I'm in awe of how things change and often times for the better even when we don't see it or understand it. So no matter how hard this process may be I will "keep on keeping on" because that's what my dad taught me. Just another life lesson that I'm so thankful for! Just as dad always said, "Everyday is a training day". I walked through another one with strength and that's all any of us can do.
Trinity
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Choose STRONGER!
I don't really have the words to describe how I feel...
A few weeks ago I told Gary my whole body hurt, even my toenails. I didn't know I could hurt that bad or that hard but I was wrong! Oh how I wish it wasn't so but the truth is this pain is indescribable! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I know this too shall pass but living and walking through it will definitely either make you stronger or weaker. I choose STRONGER!!! I choose stronger because I can hear my dad loud and clear saying, "What are you crying around for, kid? Life's not fair! Nobody said this was going to be easy. Nothing stays the same forever and you don't get out of this world alive. So suck it up buttercup and be thankful for all that you've got!". Then he'd give me a hug, you know the kind of hug where you know every thing's going to be alright. At that point I knew I'd have to put a smile on my face and make the most of whatever situation I was dealing with. There's just something about a dad and his daughter! He always made me feel safe, secure, loved, encouraged, challenged, and motivated just to name a few. I can't even begin to explain the comfort he gave me. My dad was in tune to what was going on and knew just what to do to help me through. We had a connection like no other.
After he had his heart attack, almost 3 years ago, I began to realize just how in tune dad was to me. I understood just how much he loved and cared about me and my boys, not like I ever doubted his love for me. But you just don't always understand what you have until it's compromised or gone. I'm thankful that dad was compromised before he was gone. I really believe these last few years really prepared me and my mom for a life without him physically here. And I say physically here because he's still here...I can still feel his presence! I'm so very thankful that I can feel him. It's funny, the things that you're thankful for change. The things that I used to be thankful for and that I thought were so very important are so little. I mean little like a speck of sand on the beach. Things that matter now are the real things in life. I've never lost anyone close to me and so this is all so very raw. I remember dad telling me too many times to remember that people are born everyday and people die everyday and still life goes on and the world keeps turning. At times I thought how cold and other times I thought that's so true. So I will choose STRONGER! I will remember and talk about my dad as much as I can and most certainly I will teach my boys just as my dad wanted me to! So when in doubt always go with your gut and choose STRONGER!!!
Trinity
A few weeks ago I told Gary my whole body hurt, even my toenails. I didn't know I could hurt that bad or that hard but I was wrong! Oh how I wish it wasn't so but the truth is this pain is indescribable! I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I know this too shall pass but living and walking through it will definitely either make you stronger or weaker. I choose STRONGER!!! I choose stronger because I can hear my dad loud and clear saying, "What are you crying around for, kid? Life's not fair! Nobody said this was going to be easy. Nothing stays the same forever and you don't get out of this world alive. So suck it up buttercup and be thankful for all that you've got!". Then he'd give me a hug, you know the kind of hug where you know every thing's going to be alright. At that point I knew I'd have to put a smile on my face and make the most of whatever situation I was dealing with. There's just something about a dad and his daughter! He always made me feel safe, secure, loved, encouraged, challenged, and motivated just to name a few. I can't even begin to explain the comfort he gave me. My dad was in tune to what was going on and knew just what to do to help me through. We had a connection like no other.
After he had his heart attack, almost 3 years ago, I began to realize just how in tune dad was to me. I understood just how much he loved and cared about me and my boys, not like I ever doubted his love for me. But you just don't always understand what you have until it's compromised or gone. I'm thankful that dad was compromised before he was gone. I really believe these last few years really prepared me and my mom for a life without him physically here. And I say physically here because he's still here...I can still feel his presence! I'm so very thankful that I can feel him. It's funny, the things that you're thankful for change. The things that I used to be thankful for and that I thought were so very important are so little. I mean little like a speck of sand on the beach. Things that matter now are the real things in life. I've never lost anyone close to me and so this is all so very raw. I remember dad telling me too many times to remember that people are born everyday and people die everyday and still life goes on and the world keeps turning. At times I thought how cold and other times I thought that's so true. So I will choose STRONGER! I will remember and talk about my dad as much as I can and most certainly I will teach my boys just as my dad wanted me to! So when in doubt always go with your gut and choose STRONGER!!!
Trinity
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