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| Trevin & Hank |
A picture can speak a thousand words and bring so many things to mind. I love taking pictures and looking back at all the wonderful memories. However, the longer I live the more I realize that there are parts of life that can hurt. I used to live in my own little bubble of a world and never had much of a care in the world but since my dad has died my bubble has been popped. I was lucky to live 35 years in the bubble!
I'm learning that living on the farm is NOT for the weak! I know I know, I've been living on the farm for over 12 years but only in the past 3 have I really been paying attention to life on the farm! So I've had some hard lessons learned over the past few weeks. It's hard on me but it's even harder to watch my boys learn the hard lessons of life on the farm. My oldest is wise beyond his years and has much more strength than I (both physically & mentally) and there's not much that he's been sheltered from. My second has such a tender heart with a ferrous side when needed and hasn't yet realized his own strength, maybe because his big brother is always protecting him. My third, well he's a mix of both of his big brothers with a strong will. My fourth, the baby, he's just starting to come into his own. I've said all this to say that they've handled these last few days pretty well.
Here's the brunt of it...Hank died!
He ran out in the road and was hit just as we were heading out and we saw it happen. I did not handle this part well. I lost it! It was like is was in slow motion and there wasn't a thing I could do. All I wanted to do was run away but I just went to Hank and loved on him crying like a baby. The man stopped and helped and stayed until our neighbor (that happens to be a vet) came. I'm so thankful for the way this happened even though it's been one of the hardest things ever! I would rather have the pain of being with him than to come home and see him in the road or for someone to knock on my door. As hard as it was to see it happen and love on him as he slipped away, it's way harder to watch your boys deal with this life event on the farm. Trevin has cried and cried. I just want to cry with him but I don't. I save my crying for the shower. That's the time I give myself to deal with life now that my bubble of a world has popped. My heart hurts watching my boys and it hurts because this furry friend was my protector. Everyone loves the feeling of being protected and that's exactly how Hank was...a protector. I loved coming home to seeing him be "king of the hill".
Once our great neighbor and his wife got here, we began preparing to bury Hank. It all happened so quickly and I'm thankful for that! She stayed inside with Gentry while the rest of us went to put him to rest. I wasn't sure if Trevin should be there to see Hank but my father in law called and after we talked he brought him over. It was dark, cold, and foggy. Trevin gets out of the pickup and I go to him and he's crying and says he wants to see him. I just wanted to pick Trevin up and hold him and take away all his pain but I didn't. He cried and sobbed and then he went to where the big boys were digging the hole and wanted to be apart of it. Our neighbor was helping and after they got the hole dug he asked if we had a blanket we wanted to wrap him in and of course Trevin had just the one in mind. So they put him on the blanket from the back of the pick up and carried him. It took my breath away to watch Garrin, his buddy Dalton, Ryler, Trevin, my father in law, and my neighbor carry this animal to his place of rest. Then our neighbor prayed. I just wanted to cry. Cry because it happened, cry because my boys were upset, cry because death is hard no matter what! So after the prayer they began putting the dirt over him and Trevin was in the middle of it helping and crying. I just stood there watching my boys coming into their own all at different phases.
That's something to watch...you teach your children and prepare them and pray over them...and then know it's out of your hands...but watching it with my own eyes was an amazing feeling. I can't begin to put it into words. I'm so proud of the men they're becoming, of how they're always there for each other, and how they did this without hesitation. Remember, I wanted to run away. I didn't want to handle this but knew I had to. They're amazing boys becoming men and that fills my heart!
During this whole process I could hear my dad saying, "Suck it up, kid. This is all part of life, it ain't easy but this is how God made it." And then he'd usually say something to the effect of how you've got to be able to handle whatever life throws at you, learn something from it, and then KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON! Pretty sure he'd be proud of me and most definitely proud of my boys. I know I am.
I am thankful for our wonderful neighbor & their friendship. I'm thankful for the man staying & helping after the accident...I was a crying mess!
Trinity
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