Brown Belt...karate

My Brown Belt test back in the day...

Some things in life we think we will never do, well karate is one of them for me.  But as we know about life, never say never!  So here's my story about doing something I never thought I'd do...of course this event has my dad in it.  He was in just about every event and day to day life for 34 years.  I'm continually inspired and amazed by my dad even after his death.

It was after baby #2 and I wanted to do a different kind of workout.  I'm not into running on a treadmill. So after talking with dad, he encouraged me to take karate.  His buddy owned the karate school and so the journey begins.  Now when you stop and think about life, everyone is living their own journey and we can't compare our own with others.  I firmly believe that the adventure in life lies in the journey not the destination...after all what's left after you get to the destination?

I was focused and loved karate from the get go.  Dad would stay with the little ones so I could take class 3 nights a week.  Like I said he encouraged me and made it easy for me to start this journey.  I pushed my body and my mind like I'd never pushed it before but let me just say that fighting rounds brought out the cry baby in me...literally!  I cried, I mean boo hoo cried the entire time I would spar and fight rounds.  I wouldn't stop but the tears would flow, I wasn't hurt but the tears kept flowing.  I couldn't and still can't explain why I'm a crier, but I am.  This picture was taken after my Brown Belt test (fighting ten 2 minute rounds & running a mile & showing forms) and I could and can still feel how proud my dad was of me.  Let me just say that my dad was usually proud of me for the day to day things but this was an unbelievable feeling I felt from him.  He was my corner man and talked me through the entire test and wiped my tears inbetween rounds.  My dear friend and Sensei April was amazing.  Sensei Pollman taught me to be more stoic and to breathe while taking a hit.  Like I said pushed my mind and body like never before and made my dad proud!

Life got busy and boys started school and I put karate on back burner and eventually quit.  I just thought oh well, at least I got my Brown Belt.  Then during my stay with mom & dad during his last weeks, dad told me that I'd finish my Black Belt!  I said, "Oh no, probably not.  I've got 4 boys now and super busy!"  But he was insistent on telling me that I'd finish and I just agreed.  In my mind I was thinking no way could I go back and finish it without him there, no way!  Funny thing about life, never say never!

A few months after dad died, Ryler was beginning to have some major anger about things and I knew I needed to get him focused and his energy channeled, or I was going to fight him everyday!  The first thing that popped into my mind was karate, so I called and enrolled us both.  I thought it'd be good for the both of us.  What started out as a focus to help Ryler has turned out to be my blessing and challenge!  Life sure is funny.  I didn't give much thought to how I'd feel going back to the dojo and probably good thing I hadn't.  The first day all I wanted to do was cry and not because it was killer workout but because my mind was flooded with great memories of my dad!  It's funny the things make your heart throb and knock the wind out of you all at the same time.  I loved thinking about all the memories with my dad but my heart also ached for him to be here.  Then it hits me all over again that he's really gone and not coming back and that makes my whole body hurt.  It hurts for awhile then I smile because I can hear my dad...keep on living kid, keep on living!  When I think about him saying those words to me all I can think about is his strength.  What amazing strength he has/had to be able to be positive and encourage me knowing he was dying and his time left was limited!

I hope I have that kind of strength and give that to my boys.  It's an unbelievable blessing to give everyone that's still left living to encourage them to KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON knowing you won't be here.  Some days I feel like I have all that strength and other days I feel like going back to bed because I don't have anywhere near the strength to make it through the day.  On those days I may cry, scream, or whatever is needed but only for a little while because before too long I can hear my dad telling me to suck it up buttercup!  On the really hard days I can not only hear him but I can feel him...that flick on the back of the arm he used to give me.  It's then that I can get the strength to KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that I'm still taking karate and loving it.  However, this time I'm not as focused on the next belt but more focused on the journey!  It's all about the journey!

Today...

Am I really old enough to have a teenage son???  I mean really, I don't feel old enough!  I probably look it but I certainly don't feel it!  I so don't know why this is getting to me but it is!  Not only do I have a 13 year old son but a double digit (10 year old) son as well.  This has been bugging me too...my sweet Ryler is 10, where did 10 years go?  I have Trevin who is 5 and Gentry who is 18 months and thank God I have these two!  I look at them and think that Garrin & Ryler should be that age, and then I quickly realize I'm losing time with my precious babies!  Why does time have to go by so fast?  I think about all the things I want to do with my kiddos and think how am I going to fit all this in because they are all growing up way too fast and I'm running out of time!  Oh my, I'm running out of time!

I just saw a quote that said you can always make more money but you can never make more time!

Wow, that hit me like a ton of bricks.  I'm never going to get more time with my kiddos!  I could start crying here and sometimes I do!  I wish sometimes that I had the knowledge of an old person so I would know how important time spent well is...this is one of those moments when you go oh wow!  How come I didn't understand this before?  I may not have understood it before but I do now, so it's time to make the most of today!

Nothing really stays the same forever.  I'm learning to embrace today and make the most of it.  I can't get yesterday back and tomorrow isn't here yet so I must use today!

Live & Let Live

Live & Let Live

     I have a favorite pink faded tee that has this printed on it in yellow, LIVE AND LET LIVE!  I bought it because I absolutely believe that.  However, I'm learning that most do not.  They might say they believe that but their actions speak louder than words.  I'm just wondering why our society makes it ok for us to be judgemental of others.  I believe that we live in America, the greatest country ever.  Because men and women, past, present, and future have fought in many wars foreign and domestic just so that we may have the right to believe & speak our own opinions!  For that I'm thankful!

     I've just realized over the past couple of weeks how judgmental people can be and it reminded me of a story...I was in high school and had a friend that invited me to a Bible study.  Growing up we went to church, not regularly, and my dad went on occasion.  So I went to this Bible study and when I got home my dad asked me what I had learned.  I was a typical teenager with a lot of attitude!  I just said, "Oh you know stuff in the Bible, stuff you wouldn't know about!"  Whoa, did I really say that?  Yes, I did and what I learned next is way more valuable than anything I've ever learned in a Bible study!  My dad snapped those dark eyes at me and said, "Why don't you sit your little smart ass down!"  I remember thinking oh my, I smarted it off big time!  So he asked me what we had discussed at Bible study and I began telling him and before I could get out my Bible to refer to the notes I had taken he started quoting scripture.  Yes that's right, he was quoting scripture from the Bible without a Bible in front of him!  He was going so fast and quoting books in the Bible that I had never heard of!  I just stopped trying to flip around in the Bible and listened with wide eyes and awe!  So after a little while my dad so kindly pointed out that he thought he has raised me better than this.  I felt absolutely awful!  He explained that we are not to be judgmental of one another and that no where in the Bible did it say that we should judge others.  I have yet to find that we should be judgmental in the great book!  Dad explained to me that just because something doesn't appear to be a certain way doesn't mean that it is and that it's not our job to judge others in any way, shape, form, or fashion!  Talk about an amazing life lesson that my dad took the time to teach me.  He explained that just because someone doesn't look like I think they should doesn't mean that they don't have everything they need or want, that just because someone doesn't go to church on a regular basis doesn't mean they don't have a belief!  Who am I to judge!

     So here's my thoughts...LIVE AND LET LIVE!  Don't judge me because I don't conform to your thoughts afterall we are all responsible and will all have to answer for our own thoughts and actions!  So I hope that I'm not judgmental to others for their choices and that others will show me the same respect.  I will teach this life lesson to my boys and how important it is and I will KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity

Sunsets

     Love the Oklahoma sunsets!  My dad always loved the sunsets and sunrises.  He told me over and over again how important it was to stop and take it in.  He said, "Even if it's just for a few minutes, stop and look at the beauty because you'll only get a chance to see so many."  At times I'd think yeah, yeah, ok dad but as time goes on I realize more and more of what he was talking about.  I still think that his experience in Vietnam had a huge impact on his outlook on life.  He told me "Kid, you don't go into war and see the things war brings and not be right with God!"  I think about that often and how he was always telling me to stop and watch the sunset.  Just knowing that nothing stays the same forever and that you must enjoy the right now!  There's no guarantee of tomorrow!  When you really stop and think about how true this is, it can take your breath away!

     My dad could find the happy in the everyday tasks and even til his death, he was always finding the happy.  I love that and I want to be like that...HAPPY!  I think it takes constant effort to find the HAPPY.  It seems our society/world tends to focus on the down side of life and the negative but I refuse to let that take my HAPPY!  Sometimes I feel guilty for living life and having fun because my dad is not here but I can feel him and know that I'm making him proud.  I just keep remembering what he told me, "Just keep on living kid, keep on living!"  So I stop and look at the sunsets and take a few pics knowing that I'm making my dad proud.  I miss him more and more as time goes on but knowing he gave me all the skills to keep on living is the best gift I could've ever asked for!  Now that is what I focus on giving my boys, the ability to keep on living after I die.  I strongly believe this is the most important lesson a parent can give a child.

     Enjoy the sunset...keep on living...teach my boys the important life lessons...and KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity