So today is Valentine's Day and I can hear my dad's voice strong.
I woke up this morning thinking about how I didn't get anything for my boys for Valentine's Day...nothing! I was going to make them each cards & have their favorite dessert (peanut butter rice krispies) for when they came home from school. Then this morning I'm in panic because I didn't get them anything! Seriously, in a panic. I must be the worst mom ever and how could I not get those sweet boys something for Valentine's Day, what's wrong with me! Just as I'm about to get myself and baby Gentry together to go buy them something, I felt this weird pinch, flick on the back of my arm. It sent chills down my whole body and stopped me in my tracks. My dad would always do this flick pinch thing on the back side of my arm when I needed to stop and think about things (in my dad's words, "Pull your head out of your ass kid!"). It was the same feeling, the exact same! Dad always jokingly but in a serious kind of way said that he'd let me know when I was screwing up even after he was dead. He told me that from the time I can remember! We'd laugh and joke and then carry on about our business. Well, once again he was right!
After the shock and chills wore off, I could hear my dad loud and clear. He's never been one to celebrate things on the actual day and he's always lived each day as if it were his last. He never really bought into the commercialism of things and he really pushed that idea on me. Now I'm not saying that I didn't get presents on Valentine's, Easter, Birthday, Christmas, etc. because I did and sometimes way too much stuff. My mom always made sure that I had, as well as my sister. They both spoiled me, still do, in many ways. But dad would give you something when he wanted to, not because it was a holiday! I tend to want to buy buy buy for my boys. This has absolutely nothing to do with me being without anything in my childhood, trust me I didn't do without! I'm not sure why I want to buy so much stuff for them (I have many ideas, enough for a different post!) but dad would always tell me over and over, "They (the boys) don't want you to buy them more stuff, they want you to spend more time with them!". That would always sting and sting hard but it was the truth! Sometimes speaking the truth is the hardest thing to do!
So tonight we will celebrate with rice krispies and the best gift I can give, my time! We might play board games, watch a movie, play cards, or just visit, I'll let them lead the evening. I will do this with the confidence needed all because of a little flick pinch feeling on the back of my arm. I will think of my dad and I will be thankful he had such a powerful influence on my life and that he shared his wisdom and knowledge. Life isn't about the stuff and sometimes I need to be reminded of that. I guess my dad will keep reminding me, only in different ways now! This journey is a hard one but awesome at the same time and I will KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
Trinity
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