Watermelons & Harvest

Watermelons & Harvest

It's summertime...with that brings many things and emotions.  According to my boys, life would be way easier if it weren't for emotions, especially the kind that women have!  I'm trying to teach them that women have all kinds of emotions and can have all of them in a matter of 5 minutes and that is ok!  I've got my work cut out for me in this department...let's just say that men aren't wired to understand the full range of emotions that women have!  With that being said, summertime brings a full range of emotions for me!  So here goes...

I think of my summers growing up and my dad would take me to the pool everyday at the Elk's Lodge...ok, it may not have been everyday but it sure did feel like it!  He thread water in the deep end waiting on me to jump off the diving board, always there to catch me if I couldn't make it.  I usually did though!  And eating candy bars, they don't taste the same as they did on those summer days.  I would get so worn out from swimming that I'd fall asleep on the way home in my swimsuit and sometimes not wake up till morning.  Those were the days!

Garrin & Papa eating the best part of the
watermelon & kicking back!

Then I think of watermelon...yes I know watermelon goes with summer but here's why...my dad would cut open the watermelon and only eat the center.  My mom would say don't waste it and my dad would say but this is the best part...they would laugh and tease each other as only they could.  The point he would always make, aren't you worth the best part?!  It has nothing to do with wasting it...it has to do with giving yourself the best!  My mom never wanted to waste anything and she would let everyone else eat then she would be happy with whatever was left...I think dad was trying to get her to take care of herself first!  I often wonder if he knew in the big scheme of things that he wouldn't be around to do this for us, so he tried to teach us from early on to take care of us!  I understand where my mom is coming from now that I'm a mom but I also see where my dad is coming from and how important it is to take care of yourself!  So to this day, when I cut open a watermelon I can't help but think of my dad and my mom...life lessons in the everyday!

Gary welding on the grain trailer getting it
ready for harvest!

Summertime on the farm...let's just say that it is BUSY!  Farm life is always busy but harvest brings a whole new level.  I have a love hate relationship with summer and farm life.  I love the hustle and bustle of harvest, taking meals to the field & seeing the guys full of excitement, joy, & a little anxiety, the late nights & sometimes all nights, everyone working together, and the overall excitement of grown men is like a kid in a candy store!  Then I don't like the never ending hours, wishing I was in a pool, breakdowns, cranky guys because things aren't going right, and the stress...the markets (the price of grain, cattle, etc.), the weather (not enough rain, rain at the wrong time, too windy, not enough wind), getting the right parts for the breakdowns...it can seem like it'll never end.  But guess what?  It always does and usually without too much craziness (at least that I can recall)!  It's a season and many life lessons are learned in this season!  Farming definitely takes all hands on deck, a good attitude and super thick skin...which brings me back to the emotions of summertime!

Ryler working in the garden...farm life!

Some days it's a smell and some days it's the actions that take you back to places in your past and when that happens, sometimes, just sometimes the emotions come rolling in and there's nothing to do but let them roll!  I've got pretty tough skin to live with 5 alpha males but some days my emotions need to be let out and when they do it gets kinda crazy!  Try teaching that to teenage boys!  So as harvest begins, I'll eat some watermelon, shed a few tears, and KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!

Sugar Coated Thoughts

Sugar Coated Thoughts...

I'm pretty vocal about my views and with this election I've just not had the words.  I don't know if I'm just so frustrated with what's going on in our country and society or if I miss talking all this stuff over with my dad but I just don't have the words about this election.  However, what I do have words about are this....

Since when did it become acceptable to take handouts and expect something for nothing?  As my dad  used to say, "Ain't nothin free!"  If you really stop and think about it...nothing is free!  Nothing!  I think about the little things like ketchup packets at fast food places...if we don't use them, then we usually just throw them in the trash...well someone had to pay for those and we are wasting them.  When we waste unnecessarily then we cause expenses to rise unnecessarily as well.  We complain about how much things cost, yet do we take into account what we waste?  This is just one simple small thing that someone had to pay for, yet we think of it as free!  Until we, as a society, learn the value and cost of things we see as a luxury, we will keep going down a road that is hard to turn around.

That's how I feel about our whole political system...we've gone down a road that we can't get off of and turn around...so now we will just go faster and faster in the wrong direction!  It's like we are on a train that has no breaks going where no one knows.  Do I have a solution?  Not really, I just firmly believe that it must start in our own homes!  We must take care of our own first, then help those in our own communities before we even begin giving to other states and countries.  You know how you must have a firm foundation when building a house before you ever start building the walls and roof? Why do we not apply this same concept in our lives?  It seems that there's this thought that someone else will do it for me...why?  Why should someone else do it for you?  What makes you think that someone will do it for you?  I was taught to take care of yourself first and then help others...if you're not strong then how can you possibly be of any help to someone else?

So let's start in our own homes...educating ourselves then our children!  Building our strong foundations then building up from there.  With the technology today, we should be unbelievably smart yet we (I speak generally here about the whole) don't even know the capital of the United States or who won the Civil War!  Shame on us for letting things get this out of control...many many men & women have died for our freedoms in this great country and we seem to show no care in the world!  I don't know how this happened but it's heartbreaking!

So I push myself everyday to learn something new and think outside the box...I owe this to my dad!  He told me over and over again during his last few weeks that I had to push myself and think outside the box...I will and I will Keep On Keepin On!

Trinity

Mom of Boys

Mom of Boys

Moms of boys have a different outlook than moms of girls...My mother in law has 2 sons and 6 grandsons...no girls (except for her 2 daughter in laws)...and she knows boys and what makes them boys.  She always knows the best gifts for boys, no matter what their age.  She's happy to get together whenever, it never has to be on the exact holiday.  She's tough as nails...you have to be to raise boys or they'll run right over you.  She never stops and is always doing...always!  If you mention you'd like a certain pie or food, she will have it made within the next few days.  If you need help with something, she is there!  She shows up at endless ballgames and school programs and if you mention that you're looking for xyz she usually shows up with it!  I've learned how to be a boy mom from watching her...it's a tough job and yet she makes it look easy!

This month I have been married to her youngest son for 20 years!  Whoa...20...wow that went by fast!  So I want to thank her for raising the man of my dreams!  I'm realizing what a feat that was now that I'm raising boys that will someday be husbands and fathers.  I know it's hard to blend families and understand each other but this woman raised my husband, who is just awesome!  And she managed to do this on a farm...she grew up farming as well as my father in law...they can outwork most 20 somethings.  The work ethic they taught their boys is like none other...not gonna lie, somedays it makes me crazy!  Can we just take a break?!  However, now that I'm raising boys to be men...I understand the life lessons they taught my husband and that we are teaching our boys.  I've never had to worry about much because my hubby can take care of things...and he learned that from his mom and dad.  It takes so much to raise boys, but to raise them on the farm takes true grit...Thank you for all you did to make my hubby what he is today!

Happy Mother's Day to one of the hardest working women I know...you deserve some extra TLC!

Mother's Day

Mother's Day

Mother's Day...well for moms of boys it can go either way, either they're super sweet and spoil you or they treat it like any other day.  However it goes I know that I'm loved!  But I think whether you're a mom to all girls, all boys, or blessed to have both, that it's the most amazing gift/job in the world.  Tiring, full of love, test your limits, melt your heart, beyond the words to describe how awesome it is to be a mom!  So I want to write about my mom...kinda hard to do because she is pretty private but here goes...

It's funny the things that come to mind when I think about my mom when I was growing up, it's little things!  Which you know it's the little things that are really the BIG THINGS!  Let's just start out with where she's at now...4 years after my dad, the love of her life, died and she is still living life just like my dad told her to!  That right there is amazing strength in itself!  And how compassionate she is...I wish I had a fourth of her compassion!  She has a big heart for everyone and I tend to lean toward the cold side...hey, we're all a work in progress!  Like she has so much compassion for people that sometimes when we are talking and she's telling me about someone that's having a rough time or whatever the case may be, I'm like seriously?  I don't understand how you feel so much for them!  I'm thankful she has this quality and I learn everyday how to have more compassion for others!  Which brings me to how much she always takes care of others...I've watched her not eat until everyone has their plate, I've witnessed her giving the last piece of her favorite because someone else wanted it, I've watched her work tirelessly to make life easier for others around her,  donate her time to things that I would never even think about...the list goes on and on!  

She has this ability to make everyone feel welcome and listen to them with attentiveness!  She will be uncomfortable so others can be comfortable!  I've learned and I'm still learning from her!  Before I was born, she was a single momma to my sister and she did an awesome job...my sister is 17 years older than me and always been like another momma.  She turned out pretty amazing! I can't imagine how it must've been growing up with a single momma working numerous jobs but I'm sure from those experiences she learned how to be a great momma too!  I learn from her too!  I think about how much my mom has done and accomplished in her life and how much adventure she's had...more than most!  I'm in awe of her strength and compassion!  Did I mention she's compassionate?!  

So I have been blessed with an amazing mom and I'm thankful for her everyday!  From the way she patted my back when I was little, to teaching me to keep going even when I didn't think I could...no doubt I'm where I'm at today because of my mom and dad.  They were awesome by themselves but put them together and my world was pretty much perfect!  I know when my parents got married, it rocked a lot of people's world but I'm thankful they did!  And I'm thankful she didn't let my dad's second wife have all of his kids...my mom is 10 years older than my dad so when they married she said she was too old to have any kids and told my dad to let his second wife have all his kids, jokingly!  After so long, dad said ok I will...guess what my mom was pregnant with me the next month!  (That's a whole other story!)  Now that I think about it, they have a whole bunch of other stories...I'm hoping my mom will write them down!  She would have a best seller!

Thanks mom for all you do for me and my boys, for teaching me to go after whatever I want in life, for teaching me how to work, for teaching me how to pat my babies backs and tell them to "Go make up your bed".  But one of the best things I'm thankful for is showing me how to love my hubby...I learned how to love deeply and passionately from growing up watching you and dad...best gift ever!  Thank you!

Trinity

Four Years Later...

Four Years Later...

Laying in bed tonight and my mind is thinking about where I was 4 years ago...and what has transpired over these years.  It makes me happy and sad all at the same time! It's funny, life!  Just when you get used to things being a certain way, they change.  Sometimes it's a subtle change and sometimes it's gut wrenching but I'm learning it's always changing.  The most important thing is how you handle the changing...not gonna lie...some days I handle it great and some days I fail miserably!  But everyday I get up and do...just like my dad told me to.

Four years ago I had spent the last 6 weeks with my mom and dad.  Gentry was with us and the brightest of bright during such a difficult transition.  He was just about 7 months old and I was still nursing him, and that was a saving grace in itself.  Just knowing that I had to keep eating and taking care of him made the transition bearable.  The hospice nurse had been by and said it wouldn't be much longer so I asked Gary to stay the night with me and my mom.  We were giving dad enough medicine to keep him comfortable even though he was just a shell at this point.  I remember thinking, "How long can this last?  How long can someone keep breathing?  How long?  Please, God, don't let this last...it's hard to watch, hard to feel, and hard to watch my mom."  I just wanted it to be over yet I didn't.  It's the most indescribable thing...kinda like having a baby.  During my time with my parents, dad talked about how, "We labor to be born and we labor to die!"  He talked about new life in Gentry and the boys and his ending...he always said, "I'm not gonna be here forever, kid, so you'd better learn how to do this now!"  The circle of life is interesting and amazing and painful. 

Well, it finally ended and we were thankful he wasn't in pain anymore but hurting because he was gone...he was gone!  We had done things just as he wanted, as hard as it was, we did it his way.  I hope that I have the strength and courage to live my life to end like my dad did.  I also hope that I'll have the strength and courage my mom has.  My parents are definitely one of a kind!  The next few hours seemed to go by in a blur...telling the boys, they knew it was coming but actually telling them was harder than I ever thought.  I just wanted to hold them in my arms and take all the pain away...but I couldn't make it go away and they've learned some hard lessons young but they've done awesome and I wish dad was here to see them now!  By the time I got home I just wanted to get in the shower and cry...then go to bed...I did but it's all a blur.  My mom went to my sister's and I came home to my house full of boys that I hadn't seen much of for a few weeks.

At times, these last few weeks, I've been back to the time I spent with my parents.  It has been a smell, the sun, the boys, the talk radio, the butterflies (they were all out and around the day dad died), little things to remind me of the big things.  I long to see, hear, and touch my dad but knowing he's out of pain makes it easier to take even though I don't understand...he was only 58...58...that's not a full life lived!  My mind has fought hard to keep on keepin on these last few weeks and my heart hurts...it hurts for different reasons now and the same ones as before...but dad used to say, "Don't try, do!"  So instead of trying to live and keep on keepin on...I am doing!