Two years...
This month has been full of emotions and I'm doing good to just be upright. Every activity this time of year reminds me of what I was doing 2 years ago. I was with my mom and dad as my dad was dying. It's the weirdest thing how you remember things and forget others. It's not that this time of year is any harder than any other times of the year but I most definitely remember all that was going on while I was with my parents. Been two years of finding myself and learning so much and having to grow up but my hubby has been amazing! I never knew how much love he has for me.
Two years ago I spent about 6 weeks at my parents house, rarely coming home to spend time with my family. I knew that I was at my parents house because my dad was dying and I was going to help him die the way that he wanted. I'm so thankful to have had that time with them and been able to do it. It seems so strange to say my parents house because now it's my mom's house. There is a different feeling not having both parents, almost like a part of you is gone and will never be the same. I know things always change but this was one big change that I knew was coming yet I'm still trying to find my way and grasp it all.
Spring is a busy time of year and I was totally focused on my time with my dad that I didn't pay much attention to all that was going on with my family. I probably should have talked to my big boys a little more about what all was going on but you know hindsight is always 20/20. I remember having a conversation with my dad about not dying on anyone's birthday. We both laughed and he said, "Not to worry, kid!" As if you can control just when you're going to die, but as usual my dad just reassured me that that wouldn't happen. He had such a way of reassuring me and encouraging me. I can not even begin to express how much I miss him.
Easter came and went while I was at my parents and I didn't do one thing for my boys. I remember telling my dad that I hadn't done the boys an Easter basket that year and he just kept telling me that that's not what it's all about! Over and over he reinforced how it's not about the stuff, and it's all about the time and relationships to build and the life lessons you leave behind. He had such a way with words! So guess what, I haven't done another Easter basket yet. I'm sure my kids will be in therapy when they're adults just to deal with how I failed them during Easter, but guess what...I just keep hearing my dad say, "It's not about the stuff, kid. It's not about the stuff!" However, I am thankful that my mother in law always takes the time to make the boys some goodie bags.
So it's almost been 2 years, some ways it doesn't seem like it's been that long and other ways it still doesn't seem real! I grab my phone to call my dad EVERYDAY! I think he will drive up anytime to just drop by. I don't know what I expected with the death of my dad, but I didn't expect to have the wind knocked out of me at the most unexpected times. I didn't expect to pick up the phone to call him everyday or that I'd have such a hard time KEEPIN' ON
Trinity
He'd be so proud of you!
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