Pause button, I miss my dad.

Pause button, I miss my dad.


     My dad reminded me over and over that he'd rather live "One day as a lion than a thousand as a lamb".  And as time goes on I'm understanding that more and more but that doesn't take away the fact that I miss him!  I miss him everyday!  People say that time will make it better and I wonder if those people have dealt with death or if they're just trying to say something comforting.  I can't tell that time will make it better...I miss my dad.

     As time goes on I feel just as my dad, I know big surprise!  I'd rather live "One day as a lion than a thousand as a lamb".  I want to live fiercely, full of life and love!  That being said it's hard to do but I'm prepared for the challenge.  After all my dad trained me and prepared me to live life without him, just as I realize I'm doing with my boys.  I want them to be equipped to live life without me.  If I don't teach them how to live without me then, I'm failing them as their parent!  And I don't want to fail, I won't fail.  Therefore, I must walk the walk if I'm going to talk the talk.  So being the parent is hard, it's even harder when I miss my dad.

     Some days I'm full of strength to face the day with a house full of boys but occasionally I'm doing good to get through the day.  I hate that feeling of just getting through the day, it feels like I've wasted that day.  For whatever reason I have this urge to make the most of everyday and not waste any part of life.  I can't tell if this feeling comes from watching my dad die or watching how fast my boys are growing up, maybe it's both.  I really need a pause button.  I need time to rest, plan, prepare, or as my dad would say, "Get your shit together!"

     So I miss my dad!  I want to call him everyday, numerous times throughout the day.  I think he'll be driving up anytime and I keep thinking did he really die or is this all been a bad dream?  I miss my dad!  Then I think about how blessed I've been with this amazing dad and realize that I've got to teach the boys just like he told me to and you know ...KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!

Trinity