Survival Mode to Living Life
Sometimes, out of nowhere, the wind gets knocked out of you. That pretty much sums up my November! There wasn't any one thing in particular but the whole month was just rough. I miss my dad! I did just like he told me to do, I got up everyday and gave my best to my boys. Anything past that was just pure survival mode and I hate that. It feels like I've been asleep and missed out on life and I don't like that feeling one bit. So for December I'm getting back on track. For whatever reason the holidays this year are rough. I miss my dad!
Everyday I miss him and everyday I pick up my phone to call him and every time I see a Jeep I think it's him and everyday I wake up and have to think, did my dad really die? Everyday my boys talk about their Papa and everyday I say something that reminds me of my dad. I miss him! I didn't realize how much this would hurt. I also didn't realize that I could be this strong and do like my dad told me to do and that makes me smile in amongst the hurt.
I think I've had my time to be in survival mode and now it's time to get back to living life. I have this urge to learn and do as much as possible, to teach my boys so many life lessons that it's as if I want to keep myself so busy that I don't feel the pain of missing my dad. Whatever the reason I'm going to enjoy this phase and do as much as possible. I will do more than just KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
Trinity
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