TEN FEET TALL & BULLETPROOF

My Hero...
Ten feet tall and bulletproof

     My hero, my dad.  I know many people feel that way about their own fathers but my dad rocks.  He's my hero for many many reasons and I'll write about them in future blogs, but right now I want to write about why he's TEN FEET TALL & BULLETPROOF!

     Every little girl thinks their dad is awesome and their hero.  But let me tell you why my dad has been my hero from the beginning to the end of this journey.  When I was young, under the age of 5, my dad was in an oil field accident.  Both of his legs were broken and after multiple surgeries to repair the nerves, he has lost feeling and movement from the knee down on his left leg.  He has scars from his hips to his ankles.  I think the doctors told him he'd never walk again and if he did walk he'd have to use a walker or cane.  He's walked with just a slight limp for as long as I can remember.  I've never seen him use a cane or walker except during his heart surgery and now at the end of this life.   This happened before he was 30, wow so very young.  His unbelievably strong attitude has taken him so far and been such a sight to watch.  Growing up, I've always known he had pain with his legs but he'd never show it.  If he wanted to do something, like going to Gunsite (a shooting school) where he had to get down on his knees, he'd figure out how to do it and make his body do what he needed it to.  He's always told me there's more than one way to get from A to B than a straight line.  He's always taught me to think outside the box to get what needs to be done, done.  This is just the beginning of how he's TEN FEET TALL & BULLETPROOF.

     The most amazing thing has been watching him over this last month.  He's really taught me so much all of my life about so many life lessons but this last month tops them all.  He's shown such power & strength when his body was failing.  He's shown me how to not be afraid.  He's always told me that he made his peace with God way back in Vietnam and that there are way worse things than dying.  Over this last month we have laughed and shared so many stories and truly enjoyed this time.  He's told me all the things to do and what not to forget to do...play with the boys Trin, take them shooting Trin, enjoy them (boys) now Trin, don't be sad for me Trin, take care of honey Trin, think outside the box Trin, read and read some more Trin, take care of Gary cause he's a good one Trin, don't take life too seriously Trin because it's over in the blink of an eye.  These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head...I sat by his side and listened intently soaking it all in without shedding a tear.  I had to show my strength and that I'm good to go, so that he'll know I can handle it.  Now when I'd get in the car, I'd cry like I've never cried before.  I didn't know that my whole body could ache...I didn't know that my toenails could hurt.  I've never lost anyone close to me and this journey is one I'll never forget.  I'll never be the same.  But when I think about my dad knowing what was happening to his body and showing no fear and guiding us along this journey with him, I think wow he's still TEN FEET TALL & BULLETPROOF.  His body is failing but the courage, strength, & love he's shown says that he'll always be TEN FEET TALL & BULLETPROOF.  He'd say I always thought I go out in a blaze of glory...well he is, just not how he thought.

     I'll end with one of my favorite Clovis-isms...."Deservings ain't got one damn thing to do with it"

Trinity

True Love

True Love

     True love doesn't happen every day but my parents have shown me just how awesome true love is.  I took this pic Thanksgiving Day 2011.  I remember thinking, wow, they're really "in love" with each other.  They've called each other honey every since I can remember.  They've always shown me how important it is to love.  I could go on & on with stories of their love & life and still could not scratch the surface.  But what I'm going to write about now is how their love has shown me so much on this journey.

     First of all, let me just say that if you know Clovis you know that no subject is off limits.  So my favorite thing he'd always say when I'd call after I left home and went to college was this...He'd answer, 'Hello' and I'd say, 'Hey, whatcha doing?' and his response every time was...'Well I was trying to get you a little brother or sister but you wouldn't stop calling!'  Then my mom would pick up the phone in the other room & just giggle & say, 'Oh he says more than his prayers'.  I'd laugh & then start talking about whatever I thought was so important at that time.  I love that my parents love each other.  I love that he showed his love for my mom.  I love that my parents are "in love" with each other.  I love what I've learned from watching them love each other.

     So back to dad's journey...for the last month I've been with my mom & dad almost round the clock and I've never seen true love like I have until now.  He's told my mom how beautiful she is and how much he loves her.  Then when she'd leave the room, he'd tell me, 'Isn't she beautiful?'.  He'd tell me how much he loves her and what wonderful times they've had.  He also talked about the tough times as well.  He said you can't really have the truly wonderful and amazing times in life without having the terrible, awful times in life as well.  I'm just amazed at how opposite two people can be but have "true love"!

     The other day, after things started progressing, I saw just a glimpse of their relationship.  Mom had helped dad up and brought him whatever his desire was to eat at that moment.  I should note, she's fixed him whatever he's wanted to eat, whenever he's wanted to eat it and brought it to him with such love.  He wanted something else from the kitchen and mom was walking down the hall, I was sitting across from him, and the look on his face and in his eyes is one that I'll never forget.  All the emotions of "true love" showed on my dad's face all at once and it was the most amazing thing to see!  It was like his face said...I want you, I need you, I love you, you're my world, you're my everything, you irritate me, drive me crazy, you make me want to be a better person, you complete me, I want to ravage your body in a heated moment.

     I don't think most people really have "true love" but I've been blessed to witness this growing up.  I feel like I've got that kind of "true love" with my hubby, Gary.  I can only think that I've gotten that blessing of "true love" from watching my parents.  I hope to pass that on to my boys and to teach them to show it to their wives (when they grow up & get married...which seems like forever away but in all actuality will be here before I blink twice!).  So I know that Clovis will live on in many ways.

Trinity

Dad's Journey

What can I say... I can't put into words at this time but here's a brief of what's happening.

July 6, 2009...Clovis had a heart attack while riding his bicycle & thought he had heat stroke, waited to go to convenient care til the next day.  From there he walked out & mom drove him to the hospital where he walked in.  After tests he was medi-fighted to Mercy Heart Hospital.  They had a heart pump in by the time we (Mom, me, & Gary) got there.  They said it's very serious, this wasn't his first heart attack, his body had grown it's own bypass.  Who knows when, my dad hadn't been to see a doctor in almost 30 years.  He stayed on the pump for a few days & then they did open heart surgery.  After surgery they said there was lots of damage and his heart was very large and time would tell if the by pass would work.  He followed protocol just as dr. ordered until he went for his 3 month check up...

Oct. 2009...THE NEWS...Mom & dad went to the appointment.  After a test, they met with the dr.  He said the bypass didn't work.  You need a heart transplant, you need to get on the list asap.  We need to put in a pacemaker/ defibulator.  He said, Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute!  Dr. said this is as good as it's going to get & it'll just progressively get worse.  Dad said, thanks, but no thanks.  From then on he has lived his life his way, as if he didn't already! :) If you know Clovis, you know what I mean.  From there began the journey...to prepare mom & his family what was to come.

So for the past 2 & 1/2 years he's lived life, enjoyed, & prepared us for this journey he's on.  About a month ago I came to see him & realized the seriousness of the situation.  He hadn't been feeling great, had cough and his legs were swelled up.  But he's great a bluffing how he really feels and his attitude is unbelievably positive.  Therefore, I just thought he hit  rough patch.  When I walked in and looked him in the eye...I knew!  The whites of his eyes were yellow!  His eyes told me, this is it, kid.

I've been here everyday and lots of nights since then and so thankful to be able to do so.  I have the absolute best husband ever!!!  My in-laws have been amazing and are taking great care of my boys...Garrin, Ryler, & Trevin.  I've kept Gentry with me and he's been the saving grace for my mom & dad.  This is the hardest journey I've ever been on and I'll never be the same after this is over.  This is one of those things that you can't go around, over, under, skip, or bluff your way through...you just have to walk straight through with grace.

We are respecting his wishes and keeping him at home & enjoying this journey with him.  He finally let me call hospice last week to get something for the pain.  But he made me promise the only thing they were going to do was help with the pain...he's requested no visitors or phone calls...and we have honored all of his wishes and will continue to do so.  I just wanted to explain a little about what's happening, but I feel I will really write this out in detail as my therapy.  But for now,  we are honoring his wishes and thanks to everyone for the prayers, calls, & texts and for understanding his wishes.

Trinity