It's crazy how the littlest things can bring back a memory. You never know when & where it'll happen. Sometimes I feel like it's a ticking time bomb that's just waiting to blow and most of the time I love having the memories that brings me joy and love. So not a day, usually not an hour goes by that I don't think of my dad in some way shape or form. Most of the time it brings a smile to my face along with a good laugh. My dad was a character and would say things just for the shock factor. I find myself doing that now and I'm not sure if it's because he's not here to do it or because I miss that honest, to the point, make you laugh characteristic of his. Either way, I am certain we all act like our parents over time and I'm thankful for that because I'm proud of my parents and happy to act like them.
So a few days back I got this email from Netflix about Season 6 of Burn Notice coming out and it was all I could do not to break down bawling. I started shaking and felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and I couldn't catch my breath. All from a random email. Let me explain...my dad and my big boys would have what we called "boys night". This entailed watching the tv show Burn Notice, grilling steaks, drinking root beer while my dad taught them all the things every boy should know. No girls were allowed, so if I wasn't working I had to stay in my bedroom and leave the guys alone. I loved being locked up in my room and listening to their conversations and hearing the laughter. I can't tell you what I'd give to have that back. It's so bittersweet. I love thinking about those awesome memories but I hate it that it can never be like that again and that Trevin and Gentry will never know what "boys night" was like with Papa. Garrin and Ryler have said they'll have "boys night" with the little brothers and teach them all the awesome things that Papa taught them. They already teach the little ones just like my dad did and that makes my heart happy. Some days I just want him back so bad. Now after they grilled, the grilling out was a whole process in itself, and watched Burn Notice then they'd set up the air mattress in the living room and start to get settled in for the night. My dad would sleep with them on the air mattress. He didn't seem to mind the legs in the face, an occasional wet bed, or an air mattress that never stay inflated the entire night. What a Papa! The next morning they'd get up and my dad would show me how to fix breakfast. He was awesome in the kitchen! Then he'd head home and sometimes I'd look around at the mess in my house and think wow! They could really make a mess but oh the memories they made! You can't possibly know the amazing memories unless you were there. As dad would leave he'd ask the boys if they wanted to do it again next Friday and the answer was always YES! Later on when the boys weren't around dad would always tell me how he's going to take advantage anytime the boys want to spend with him because it won't be long til they'll outgrow me. I thought there's no way they'll ever outgrow Papa. I was right!
So we will continue the tradition of "boys night" and teach Trevin & Gentry all about their awesome Papa. I'm so thankful for all that my dad has taught me and what he continues to teach me even though he's not here physically. I will ride the waves of hurt with the strength that my dad taught me to have and I will ride the waves of joy and embrace every minute of it all! After all you can't have the amazingly great times without the hard times. You know we must KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
Trinity
